Birth Family - A Whole New Family

Without planning it, I began a little mini-bloggeries on our kids' birth moms. Can't talk about the birth moms without mentioning the birth fathers!

Well, okay. I can not mention anything about Motor Mouth's birth father because we don't know who he is or what his name is or anything about him. Other than he is part white and part hispanic or maybe part black. Fortunately, Mini Me's birth father, JJ, has graciously agreed to be Motor Mouth's birth father as well.

We've never met JJ in person. JJ is in prison. Don't knock prison! It can be a good thing. I know where he is and we send letters back and forth. Well, not so much lately. I owe him a Christmas letter. And more pictures. JJ and Mini Me met in February/March when his mom took Mini Me with her to visit him. We have a photo of them together!!! As I said in yesterday's post - I love prison. Without prison, I don't know for sure if JJ would be a part of our lives.

But that is okay, because we have JJ's parents and brothers. We love JJ's family. They are all great people. You can't pick your in-laws, but if I had to pick, I would pick them. And their friend, Fish.

The thing about JJ's family is that we actually have a birth family. Not just a birth mother. A birth family. There are grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, great-uncles, great-aunts, cousins, 2nd cousins. Family. A Whole New Family.

The hardest part of JJ's family is managing the whole divorce situation. I've read and heard that you have to be fair to both sides. Equal visit time. Send/give same pictures and info. Coming from families that are intact, this is a whole new world for us. I'm trying to navigate it. I'm sure I've screwed up at times and I'm sure I'll screw up in the future. But I do love both sides. 

They are great people. They treat Motor Mouth as their own. You can't really tell there is a difference. I'm sure it helped that Motor Mouth could actually talk and interact with them, while Mini Me was too little to do much of anything. 

Mini Me has her birth Grandpa's eyes. She looks just like her birth father did in his baby pictures. I know this because her birth Grandmother showed us pictures. There is one picture where she is holding JJ, and it looked exactly like Mini Me. Exactly. Her birth Grandpa's wife showed us pictures from when JJ was older and they were on trips. I love how much JJ's step mother loves him. She always says good things about him and there is a twinkle in her eye when she shows his childhood pictures. She is always positive and that is nice.

Then there are the brothers. I've only met 2/3 of JJ's brothers. One of them lives out-of-state. He hasn't been home in the time we've known the family. Of the brothers I have met, they are both great. 2008 was a big year for the boys - 1 bought and renovated a house (he did a great job) and 1 has a new baby girl (tiny and beautiful)!!!

We didn't have to include JJ or his family. The adoption agency would have been fine if we didn't. But we knew there was this grandmother out there that had a granddaughter. That grandmother deserved to know her son's birth child.  So we set out to find her. And we did. I'm glad we did because she is special to us. We found JJ. And the rest, is history!!

Part 1: Birth Family - A Broken Heart

Part 2: Birth Family - I Love Prison

Birth Family - I Like Prison

Yesterday, in the 1st of my 3-Part Mini Series, 

I discussed how much I miss Motor Mouth's Birth Mom, KK. 

We don't have that sort of relationship with Mini Me's Birth Mom, TT.

We met TT at the hospital, the morning after Mini Me's birth. We got along well. One of the things I love about TT is her tell it like it is attitude. Love it. Love her. TT got a bit weird when it came time to leave the hospital. Then, each time we tried to meet up so she could see the baby, it fell through, from her end. 

We got in maybe 2-3 visits. Then TT disappeared. I found her. I like to know who I am associating with, so I often look people up to see if they have any past arrests, warrants for their arrest, and if they served prison time. Yes, just a little something I do that only my closest friends know about. I also check out the sex offender registry frequently to see who lives near me.

I knew TT had a warrant out for her arrest but I wasn't going to turn her in. She's my child's birth mother! Turns out, she was scared of being turned in, so she left the hospital early and that's why she flaked out on meeting with us. 

Well, she managed to get arrested and put in jail, all on her own. I couldn't visit her in jail, but once she got to prison, we got the permissions we needed and off we went.

I love prison. We were able to develop a relationship with TT while she was in prison. Each month, we drove the 90 minutes to her facility and spent an hour or so with her and Mini Me. You aren't allowed to bring in cameras, so we don't have photos from that time. We visited. We wrote letters. It was great.

Then TT got out. We managed to see her twice after she got out. And that's it!! I didn't know where she was to tell her we were moving to Chicago. Finally, TT contacted us through an adoption agency in September. We talked on the phone and it was all good. Now, I can't even leave her a voice message because her mailbox is full. I tried to let her know we were in Tulsa at Christmas, so we could go see her with Mini Me. Didn't happen.

I love prison. At least you know where a person is when they are locked up.

Part 1: Birth Family - A Broken Heart

Part 3: Birth Family - A Whole New Family

Finished for Friday - Rocket Ship

Motor Mouth has been asking me to crochet him a rocket ship. I'm a good mommy, so I searched and searched for patterns. Couldn't find one for the life of me! So, with just 2 months of crocheting under my belt, I decided I had the skill and expertise to CREATE a pattern.

It's not Friday, but I wanted to post this today, 

so I could get it on Ravelry.com

Here is the pattern if you are interested

ROCKET AMIGURUMI PATTERN

HOOKS

Body: 4.25 mm

Fins & Tip:  3.75 mm

YARN

Yarn A: Gray, Vanna’s Choice 100% Acrylic 3.5 oz

Yarn B: Black, Vanna’s Choice 100% Acrylic 3.5 oz

I use washable yarn & polyester fiberfill for kids' projects

BODY

With Yarn A, ch 2

Row 1: 6 sc in first ch, 6 sts

Row 2: 2 sc in next st, sc in next st; rep, 12 sts

Row 3: 2 sc in next st, sc in next st; rep, 18 sts

Row 4: sc in each st, 18 sts

Row 5: 2 sc in next st, sc in next 2 sts; rep, 24 sts 

Row 6-8: sc in each st, 24 sts

Row 9: 2 sc in next st, sc in next 3 sts; rep, 30 sts

Row 10: 2 sc in next st, sc in next 4 sts; rep, 36 sts

Row 11-12: sc in each st, 36 sts

Row 13: DC* in each st, 36 sts

Row 14-35: sc in st, 36 sts

Row 36: SC2DEC*, sc in next 4 sts; rep, 30 sts

Stuff with polyester fiberfill

Row 37: sc2dec, sc in next 3 sts; rep, 24 sts

Row 38: sc2dec, sc in next 2 sts; rep, 18 sts

Row 39: sc2dec, sc in each st, 12 sts

Sl st and fasten off and work tail into body.

TIP

With Yarn B, ch 10, turn

2 dc in next 6 st

Sl st and fasten off, leaving tail for attaching to body

Use needle to attach to body through hole in top. 

Note: Chain 1-4 should be inside body for support

FINS - Make 3

With Yarn B, ch  3

Row 1: HDC*** in 2nd and 1st ch, ch 1, turn

Row 2: 2 hdc in each; ch 1, turn, 4

Row 3: 2 hdc in each; ch 1, turn, 8

Row 4: 2 hdc in next st, hdc in next; rep, ch 1, turn 12

Row 5: hdc in each, 12

Sl st, fasten off, and sew to body

*  DC - Double crochet

** SC2DEC - Single crochet decrease

*** HDC - Half double crochet

Please be sure to visit Lit and Laundry, 

the home of Finished for Friday, 

to view her fabulous work.

Birth Family - Broken Heart

In the writing of this entry, it morphed into a short, 

3-part series.

Please come back for the rest!

Part 1

Birth Family - Broken Heart

I love Motor Mouth's birth mother, KK. 

But I can count on 1 hand how many times I have seen her in the last 2 calendar years. This breaks my heart. I miss her. She became a part of me and that part is missing. 

At first, I thought open adoption was a crazy idea. I was only into the idea of an open adoption because it was the best thing for our child. The research said he would have less rejection issues and know that he was loved so much by his birth mom (BM).  But I wasn't so thrilled at the time required on my part to build a relationship with the BM. I don't have a lot of girly friend time so that was a scary prospect for me.

Then we met KK. She had no parents. She was so sweet and so smart and so young. Our relationship was more about her than the baby. As he got older, she began to interact with him more. It's easier when the child can talk and reciprocate. 

KK slept at our home. She came to family dinners and was a part of our family. Were things 100% perfect? No. Are any of your relationships 100% perfect? But we loved each other and got along really well. KK is blonde with green eyes. We got a kick out of telling people I was her aunt. It was easier among her peers and allowed me access to her in medical situations. Did I mention how smart and funny she is?

Have you ever met someone that you want to take under your wing and hold and tell them you love them. Bring them into your home to live and make it all right for them? But I can't. As the adoptive mom, I can't do that. I have to let her live her life. I can't protect her from everything. I have to be a mother to Motor Mouth and can't be a mother to KK as well.

Things started to really change in January 2006. KK went off the radar. I managed to track her down in April. We had a few visits. 

2007 was quite a year for her and I just had to sit back and wait. The hardest part is not getting a phone call on Motor Mouth's birthday. I know she knows the day. I know she loves him. I hurt for Motor Mouth when she is not there on his birthday. I think I am most scared that if she doesn't call him or see him now, it could set a pattern and when he is older and it matters, she won't be there. 

We got to see KK in April, at our going away party. It was wonderful to see her again and to spend time with her. Why do I love this girl so much? She is our hero. KK loved her son so much, she made the difficult decision to live apart from him. KK loved her son so much, she took time to study 4 life books, meet with 3 couples, and chose 1. Then, she loved her son so much, she walked out of the hospital, empty-handed, after laboring for over 14 hours. She loved her son so much, she stood before a judge and told her she believed in her decision and thought we would be the best parents for her son. How could we not love that girl? How could we not think she is our hero?

Motor Mouth has some of KK's mannerisms. When he gets excited, he moves his hands in a distinctly KK manner. Sometimes, when I look at Motor Mouth's nose, I see KK's nose. She's a part of my son. A part of who he is.

And so, my heart breaks today because KK is not a vital part of our lives. In our previous relationship with KK, she would have visited us in Chicago at least once already. She would have been at J's family home for Christmas. I miss KK. 

Part 2: Birth Family - I Like Prison

Part 3: Birth Family - A Whole New Family

BOW-dacious Mama!

My Mother-in-Law doesn't only rock. 

She BOWS!!

Columns on her wrap-around porch 

All 11 columns!

Lamps on her porch

(All 6 of them)

On top of the Christmas tree

(And all down the tree, too!)

Year End Meme

This was a fun and a bit cathartic

It's what all the cool bloggers are doing

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? 

Experience the devastation of a spouse's lay off, sell a home, travel with 2 children alone, move across country with my own family, become a stay@home mom, homeschool my son, blog almost daily, crochet amigurumi, create family on our own.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

I don't make new year's resolutions. But last year, my husband and I said we wanted to work on developing friendships outside of our family (parents, siblings). We didn't have a chance to do this as our lives were turned upside down in January with J's lay off. But I feel like I've developed some online friendships that are meaningful to me, through my blog sphere and with the aid of Facebook. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 

Yes. My sister-in-law gave birth to her very first son. He is beautiful!!!!

4. Did anyone close to you die? 

Not this year. 

5. What countries did you visit? 

U.S. and Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? 

I would like to develop the kind of woman friend relationships I read and hear about. I don't know how to do that so this next year will be interesting. 

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 

March 31st - J started his new job

April 18th - We moved our family to Chicago

Nov 4th - Obama election

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 

I'm a different person than I was in January. I run our home. Instead of my husband doing all the cooking and shopping and child care, I do it. We've created a new picture of what our family looks like. 

9. What was your biggest failure? 

I have been really bad at procrastinating. I think it is how I am 'handling' my year of massive change. "If I don't do it or look at it, it's not there and I don't have to deal with one more thing." Not good.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 

Nope. Nothing new. I am still recovering from a foot injury from Feb/Mar '06 that I had surgery for Mar '07. I thought it would have been history by now. It's not.

11. What was the best thing you bought? 

Any one of my 3 purses from my special store in Tulsa. I get compliments EVERY time I go out with any one of those bags. Strangers compliment me all the time on them. I had J pick out 2 more while in Tulsa this Christmas.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 

My kids for adjusting to city life without skipping a beat.  They just go with the flow. They don't complain about the cold. They are so wonderful.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Mine.

14. Where did most of your money go? 

Mortgage/rent, clothes - we've all gone up 3 sizes this year!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? 

Nothing. This was a really, really, really hard year. For all the great things - like our amazing loft - there has been a lot of hard and bad. I hit such lows this year, I never thought I could claw my way back up. Right now, I feel numb. Don't get excited about stuff and I won't get disappointed.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

No One by Alicia Keys. It was the first radio song Mini Me started singing, all on her own.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier, fatter and about the same.

My mother says if you don't have more money saved at the end of the year than you started with, then you have failed. We lost money on our house sale in Tulsa and have been living on savings since January. I think being about the same is a plus, all things considered.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? 

Save more. Do yoga more.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? 

Crying.

20. How did you spend Christmas? 

In Tulsa with my husband's family. Because gifts were opened Tuesday night, it felt like Christmas was our usual New Year's Day dinner with extended family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? 

I fell in love with my husband again. And we all fell in love with Chicago, our new church, and our new friends.

22. What was your favorite TV program? 

Ugly Betty and Brothers & Sisters and House.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? 

I avoid hatred - way too strong of an emotion for me. I will say, I am much less angry and frustrated with my husband's former employers than I was at this time last year. I'm happier with our lives this year and it's, in part, thanks to them.

24. What was the best book you read? 

The Bathtub is Overflowing but I Feel Drained: How to Defeat Mommy Stress by Lysa Terkeurst

It made me realize I am not alone and that other women go through the same stuff.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? 

96.3 - Our Chicago radio station that has amazing great music. 

26. What did you want and get? 

I got more than I bargained for this year. Very blessed.

27. What did you want and not get? 

To break even on our house sale. A sewing machine.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? 

I Am Legend with Will Smith. It came out Dec '07 but I think I saw it '08. I want to get it on DVD but I'm afraid it will give me bad dreams again. I loved it though!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 

Went to the Museum of Science & Industry with the family. Saw chickens hatch - on my my birthday! I could have watched them all day. We ate lunch at Cafe Trinidad - after all, I was born in Trinidad. Then my wonderful husband took the kids and gave me hours and hours and hours alone. I turned 39.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 

The year turned out pretty good. Maybe if I didn't have to go to the brink of insanity to get here.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? 

2007? I was actually dressed pretty trendy in 2007.

2008? I gained so much weight, I just wear whatever fits! 

32. What kept you sane? 

Blogging. My faith in God - I know from history that it all works out.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 

Famous people don't move me that much. I did meet Oprah.

34. How many one-night stands?

Two. Hahaha! Just joking. I'm married.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The reaction of my Christian, Republican friends to Obama's presidential win

36. Who did you miss? 

Living: My in-laws, Misty, Aubry, my Sistas

Dead: Grant Kent. I am always blown away at how much I still miss him.

37. Who was the best new person you met? 

My new pastor: Jackson Crum. Jackson himself is great, but it is the team of elders, pastors, directors, staff he has developed around him that make Park Community Church a place we love to worship and work at.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. 

Same thing I learn every year - It's all gonna work out in the end!

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 

Bob Marley's "Don't Worry 'Bout a Thing"

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

A Whole New Year!

Welcoming in 2009 with a champagne toast!

12:30 AM - Jan 1, 2009

I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions. Like most people who claim to not do resolutions, it is because I made them and broke them and feel badly for the rest of the year. I am a mother. 

I live with enough guilt as it is.

The New Year is a good time to reflect on the past year's accomplishments. My life is so different from where it was last year at this time, it is as if someone threw out my life. Oh wait - they did! 

On Christmas, my friend, Starr, was giddy-giggly about the changes in me. Starr has known me since 2000. She was so shocked at watching me sewing and crocheting. And the whole homeschooling thing blew her away. That and the cooking. She doesn't even read my blog (a New Year Resolution she should plan on for herself). The point is, I have undergone a major

transformation this year. 

There is a MEME going around that asks what you did for the first time this year. Hmmm, baked bread from scratch, cooked a turkey (2), made stuffing/dressing, kept a plant alive for 6 months, homeschooled, moved to Chicago, traveled alone with 2 kids, finished a crochet project, gave amigurumi as gifts, blogged almost daily, made a gingerbread house, became self-employed, sold a home, moved my family across country, experienced a spouse's layoff. And, for the first time since I was 10, I did less than 10 hrs volunteer work total in 8 months.

Did I do it all with as much grace and finesse and love as I would have liked? Nope. So that is what I need to work on. Speak softer and kinder to my 

husband and kids. 

I have spent all this time doing stuff for my family, but I don't feel like I've really enjoyed them. I want to spend more carpet time with my kids. The gingerbread house taught me to loosen up. I was so bent on making a perfect house for my kids. But they just wanted a gingerbread house. Well, Motor Mouth did say several times my house did not look like the box. This year, I am going to let them decorate with my guidance, if they want it. It doesn't have to be perfect. The time together is more important than the end result.

Most of all, I want to truly love my daughter this year. She was such a difficult baby. She is stubborn and strong willed (where did she get that from??!) And she is so hormonal, it drives me up a wall. In 2008, I began to really like my little girl. By the end of the year, I want to be able to say I love her and know it is the truth and not 'fake it until you make it'. 

And get a handle on our laundry. 

It's obscene right now. 

I need to create and follow a system.

I've always wanted to be one of those people whose homes others can come to at any time and it be clean. I'm almost 40. I never kept my bedroom clean growing up. I have not managed to live like that for all these years. I think I just have to find a way to keep things manageable and then learn to not care if someone comes over and sees stuff out. 

2008 was about being the perfect stay@home mom. 

2009 should be about relaxing the perfection and 

living the life with joy.

I pray you will have a better 2009 than you 

ever imagined possible. 

Kitchy Kitchy Kitchen!!

I was walking through the toy section 

with Motor Mouth and Mini Me,

taking pictures of what they wanted for Christmas

We found this. 

I fell in love with it all. The whole set.

I mean, Mini Me loved it at first sight!

Grandma got it for her. Yeah, Grandma!

Then it was time to put it all together.

Mini Me kept a close watch on Daddy's progress!

Daddy deserves 10 medals for this one

Mini Me is right at home in her kitchen!!

Mini Me + Kitchen = Major Attitude!!

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa!

Home for the Holidays

There's no place like home! There's no place like home!

There's no place like home for the holidays!

And you know you are home in Oklahoma

when the coffee table book is a gun book!

ahahahahaha!

But seriously, my FIL got my MIL gun class lessons

I don't think she needs them, do you?

Party Like A Rock Star!

You've seen my kids. Now tell me.

What do your kids get to do when they hang 

out at their daddy's office?

Christmas Babies

Words cannot express how much I love my kids

No Parents? The Kids Are Gonna Play!!

J's Grandparents spent Christmas in Florida this year. 

Normally, they are in Tulsa with us!

There were little things that hinted to his grandparents being out-of-town for the holiday. 

Like...The bottles of alcohol on the porch

- right by the door the family enters through

(I never asked why they are on the porch)

And the bottles of RUM sitting out on the counter

Out of respect for J's grandparents, his parents keep the devil's ale tucked away in the pantry or cupboards. This goes to show that no matter how old you are, how many kids you have, or how many grandkids you have, when your parents go out of town, the kids are gonna play!!

(This post published with permission from my MIL.)

Warning!!

Michy Me, please remove Z Girl for this post. 

She might see something she shouldn't.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled blog.

We are traveling today, so I thought it appropriate to blog on a situation we experienced with the vehicle recently...

The other day, I ran some errands for one of my clients, got groceries, and waited with the kids at my husband's office for him to finish work. At 5:30 pm, he informed me he needed to go to the suburbs to Ikea. We have 1 car. Our home is in the opposite direction. J enticed us with the promise of Ikea meatballs. 

Everything was fine. Nice dinner, great visit to Ikea. But then he made some purchases. I think he forgot how much crap we haul around our vehicle at any given moment:

- 2 bottles of washer fluid

- a shopping cart

- Mini Me's stroller

- bottle of coolant

- paper towels

- my briefcase

- his laptop bag

- bag of returns/exchanges

- toys, toys, toys

- other misc random items 

I do believe he also forgot I had purchased 10 bags of groceries. And, I have a massive box in the back for Z Girl's Christmas gift from her parents - it can't be found in Tulsa, but was found in Chicago.  

Michy Me, is Z Girl gone yet, 'cause it's coming up quick?!

Some of the usual stuff floating around our cargo area.

Notice how full it is?

This is how high the floor was stacked by the kids' feet

SOME of what was in the cargo area

More of what was in the cargo area

24 - 30" tall candles!!

Help! I'm squished in!!

Groceries at Mini Me's feet

Z Girl's gift fit perfectly between their seats

That strap is holding our shopping cart on the roof rack

A shopping cart on the roof!!!!!

Welcome to our crazy life.