I found this meme over at Confessions of a Working Mom. It was fun and quick. Enjoy.

1. Middle name?
Maria

2. What do you think is your best asset (physical)?
Hair

3. If you could only eat one type of cuisine for a year, what would it be (Mexican, American,Chinese..etc.)?
Trinidadian. Now. That said, please know that if I were still living at home, I would say Canadian/American because growing up, I NEVER got to eat food like meatloaf and all that white people food that white people seem to hate. As I only ever eat Canadian/American (aka white people food) these days, I want some good home food.

4. Walmart or Target?
Walmart Supercenter. It is what made my life livable as a working mom. I don't like Target because I can't ever get out of there under $50 when all I go in for is just 1 little thing.

5. Favorite State besides the one you live in?
Canada. It's the 51st state, right?

6. What side of the bed do you sleep on, left or right?
Right side if you are in the bed. We started off with me on the left, but I didn't like being so close to the door. If someone was going to come in to kill us, I wanted a few extra seconds. So we switched. Every bedroom since, it has worked out that way too.

7. King or Queen size bed?
Queen. We had a king when we were first married and lived at J's parents' home. We were so far away we couldn't find each other at night. It would be nice with kids to have a king. We gave it much thought a few years back when we bought a new headboard. But each time we go sleep at his parents, we don't like the king. I guess we are queen people. Oh. And I just gave J new 1,000 thread count sheets for his bday. Do you know what those cost in a king???

8. Beer or wine?
Wine. Lately I'm all about the riesling. I'm very much a guy's girl so it goes to say I should be a beer drinker. I just can't get into it. I have yet to acquire a taste for beer.

9. Water..ice-cold or room temp?
Ice cold! I know room temp is better for your voice if you are talking publicly or singing. I seldom do either these days.

10. Christmas..love it or hate it?
LOVE IT! Hello? Born again Christian. This and Easter are the reason for my existence.

Where Were You?

Where were you when...

Martin Luther King, JR was shot?

I wasn't even conceived yet

John F Kennedy was shot?

See MLK answer

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon?

I was a fetus, born later that year

Elvis died?

I was on my way to church with my dad and brother when we heard the news on the radio

Space Shuttle exploded?

At home, watching it on TV

Murrah Building in Oklahoma City was bombed?

Working as a network administrator. Came home for lunch to watch the OJ trial but it was pre-empted.

OJ Simpson was acquitted?

Took a long lunch and went to my friends' house for a verdict luncheon

John F Kennedy Jr's airplane went missing?

At J's cousin's farm in Western Oklahoma

On 9/11?

I was at my desk at the church where J and I worked. J called me into the audio suite where we watched it on TV.

When Obama was voted President?

On my couch in our Chicago loft. I thought it was going to be a neck-in-neck race and didn't want to have Mini Me out for hours in a crowd. We stayed home while J and Motor Mouth went to Grant Park. If I had known it would be over by 9:30 pm, I would have gone with.

Michael Jackson died?

I was driving, about to get on the highway, to pick J up from work

You Ask - I Answer: September '09

I have questions from my faithful readers!!

Jen of A2eatwrite

What's happening with your potential housing search? Are you staying with your beloved loft?

- I was really comparison shopping to see if we really have a great thing here. We are spoiled. Great skyline view, great neighbors, huge balcony, lots of free street parking for guests, and more. We may need to move if both kids are in school and J is working in another part of the city though. It would only make sense.

How is J's Grandma doing?

- Thank you for thinking of Grandma Grandma. She traveled to Florida, where her daughter's family lives. J's aunt is able to provide any care Grandma might need and still run her businesses. Grandma Grandma has been improving in leaps and bounds. I saw a video clip of her from last month and she is almost back to her normal self. Laughing, happy, healthy looking. Skinny. But she looks great!! I got to talk to her for a long time the other day. I really love her so much.

Felicity

Where are you working?

- I am working at Motor Mouth's school. It is a private, Christian school with a worldview and city centric focus. The staff are really great. All of the teachers clearly LOVE kids. I'm the marketing and events coordinator. Basically, I am doing what I learned through 20 years of volunteer work - not my previous jobs or education. Isn't that something!

Dr Crystal

What is your favorite thing about your new job?

Oh, Crystal, just one? Hmmm... I've worked there for going on 4 weeks. 3/4 of those weeks, there was a DQ ice cream run, root beer float surprise, or ice cream sandwich from a child's b'day. Sweet!! Literally. I love being in the same school as where Motor Mouth attends. He is so freakin' cute!! I get to see him several times during the day. I really love that boy. I love how much the teachers love the kids. Really are excited about education and their jobs. Oh, and I get paid which helps.

MORE QUESTIONS:

It's not too late! If you have questions you would like for Widney Woman to answer, just ask in the comments section!

You Ask - I Answer

I'm kinda busy right now. I have lots to post with little free time. But I am able to respond to questions. So. Ask. Floor is wide open. As is our lives. Ask what you wish in the comments section below.

Socialist healthcare will be the downfall of America

On Twitter, I have seen several comments on the heated debate over universal healthcare coming to America. I made a couple comments and was asked a few questions. I have some thoughts on the matter but first, you must understand I am Canadian. A fiercely proud, passport carrying Canadian. That said, know that I LOVE America and enjoy living here with my American born family. Let's get that straight right off the bat. Were it not for America, Canada would be part of Russia by now - seriously.

Now, for my take...

1. America is ALREADY paying for the poor and the old to be insured (medicare & medicaid). Some of it is through federal programs and some through state programs. This aspect is not going to increase b/c people are doing it now anyway. In fact, it could decrease if people can go see a general practitioner instead of going to the ER for minor things like a cold. And yes, I've seen the reports and articles talking about the current abuse.

2. It's the working poor who really need universal health care. The poor get it for free. The wealthy can afford health insurance. In my 10 years in this country, I have been without health care for 3 months after J was laid off last year. They were the scariest 3 months of my life. Yes, we could have paid $500/mth for Cobra. If we HAD $500/mth!! It was a choice between paying for Cobra or making our mortgage payments. People can say all the crap they want about Obama and the Stimulus Package, but we could have really used the part where you can get COBRA for under $200 last year.

3. My first job in Tulsa was in the collections department of a major hospital. I went home crying more times than I can remember because I would see these massive bills for kids with cancer and leukemia. One girl racked up a bill of over $100,000 in 3 months. Her parents were from Kansas and came to Tulsa for treatment. They had other children back home in Kansas. What happens then? The parents can't work full time, they are racking up medical bills and travel bills and imagine the stress of not being with your other kids. Thank God for Ronald McDonald house who housed them for free. What happens to their home? To their kids' college funds? That is 1 family, representative of so many more.

4. The father of one of my best friends in Canada was gravely ill. She told me about a consult around her father's bed with 5 specialists. 3 of whom were the tops in their respective fields. And she marveled at the level of care her father received without a dime from the family's pocket. Sadly, in America, that does not happen unless you can pay for it.

5. Healthcare is BIG business in this country. I've been on the $500,000 yacht of a cancer doctor. Cancer pays. Sickness pays. For all their squawking, the insurance companies sure do own a lot of this country. Nothing wrong with business. For this reason, I believe it will be extremely difficult to get the fat cats to sign off on universal healthcare.

6. Metric System. I remember the conversion from Imperial to Metric in the '70's as I was growing up. People complained about the expense. They were mad a then Prime Minister, Pierre Elliot Trudeau. But the change was made and it's all good now. Has been for years. America never made the transition. If America had embarked upon it in the '70's, it would have been a paid for non-issue now. Even in the '80's. Heck, the '90's could have done the trick. But no. No changes. Same with healthcare. Just jump in somewhere and DO IT!! Yes, it will hurt at first, but then it won't be a big deal.

7. Is the Canadian healthcare system perfect? No, there are things that can be changed. That will always be the case with everything though.

8. How does Canada afford it? Well, yes, taxes are higher. But you know what? Health insurance ain't cheap either!! When I looked at my Canadian paychecks, I paid about the same in taxes as we did for health insurance in Tulsa. AND we paid taxes on top of that in Tulsa. So, gosh, we were behind the mark and we had co-pays and deductibles.

I was asked - Widney Woman, what would you do??

I would examine the universal healthcare systems of other countries - especially Canada and Britain. What works? What doesn't? What can we apply to America to bring the biggest results? Then DO IT!! Will there be opposition? Yes. Will there be growing pains and a need to re-evaluate? Yes. But you have to have a starting point somewhere.

Yes or No

You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and asks. The temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming--nothing is exactly as it seems.

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... Copy and paste this into your blog, delete my answers and type in your answers.

• • - • • - • • - • • - • • - • • - •
Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? • Yes.
Been arrested? • No
Kissed someone you didn't like? • Yes.
Slept in until 5 PM? • Yes.
Fallen asleep at work/school? • Yes.
Held a snake? • Yes
Ran a red light? • Yes.
Been suspended from school? • Yes.
Experienced love at first sight? • No
Totaled your car in an accident? • YES
Been fired from a job? • Yes
Fired somebody? • Yes
Sang karaoke? • Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? • Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? • Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? • No
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? • Yes
Kissed in the rain? • Yes
Had a close brush with death • Yes
Played spin-the-bottle? • Yes
Sang in the shower? • Yes
Smoked a cigar? • Yes
Sat on a rooftop? • Yes
Smuggled something into another country? • Yes
Been pushed into a pool/ocean with all your clothes? • Yes
Broken a bone? • Yes
Skipped school? • Yes
Eaten a bug? • No
Sleepwalked? • Yes.
Walked a moonlit beach? • Yes
Rode a motorcycle? • Yes
Dumped someone? •Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? • Yes
Lied to avoid a ticket? • No
Ridden in a helicopter? • Yes
Shaved your head? • No
Played a prank on someone? • Yes
Hit a home run? • No
Felt like killing someone? • Yes.
Cross-dressed? • No.
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? • Yes
Eaten snake? • No
Marched/Protested? • Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? • No
Puked on amusement ride? • No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? • No
Been in a band? • No
Knitted? • Yes
Been on TV? • Yes
Shot a gun? • Yes
Skinny-dipped? • Yes
Gave someone stitches? • No
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? • No
Ridden a surfboard? • No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? • Yes
Had surgery? • Yes
Streaked? • No
Taken by ambulance to hospital? • Yes
Tripped on mushrooms? • No
Passed out when not drinking? • No
Peed on a bush? • Yes
Donated Blood? • Yes
Grabbed electric fence? • No
Eaten alligator meat? • Yes
Eaten cheesecake? • Yes
Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? • Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? • Yes
Peed your pants in public? • Yes
Sneaked into a movie without paying? • No
Written graffiti? • No
Think about the future? • Yes
Been in handcuffs? • Yes
Believe in love? • Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? • Yes

My Story

I was tagged on this by my sister-in-law, FaithChick, back in April, on Facebook. I just came across it again and thought I would cut and paste it in here because I rather enjoyed my answers. Hope you do too!!!!

My story - Finish the sentence

Hi, my name is...
WidneyWoman and I'm a Facebook and Twitteraholic

My eyes are...
where they belong. 

My status is...
married but looking.

I want to have kids...
walk on my back.

I wish I was...
sleeping instead of Facebooking.

Currently I am watching...
lightening strikes on the Sears Tower - 6 so far.

I Love...
reading but never get time to.

Never in my life have I...
been skydiving...I should have gone when I had the chance.

My favorite animal is...
a stuffed animal.

My favorite color(s) is/are...
purple.

My Pet Peeve...
anything and everything the week before my period.

Right now, I am...
wondering how shocked you are about the one above.

The one person who can drive me nuts...
is my daughter

When I'm nervous...
feel my insides trembling.

The last song I listened to...
Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas

If you were to get married today your maid of honor/best man would be...
back to the original plan - my sister but I don't think she can still fit in the dress she bought to be my maid of honor at my wedding 10 years ago that she never got to wear to my wedding because we eloped 5 days after she bought said dress...Sorry, Optimus.

My hair is...
so cute right now!! J cut it for me and I LOVE it!!!

When I was 4...
I wanted to be a stripper.

My mom is...
someone I talk to almost every day.

My dad is...
is getting better joke material now that he has internet at home.

Last Christmas was...
not quite right.

I should be...
sleeping, working, reading, crocheting, cleaning, or anything but this!!

When I look down... 
I see the bottom of my glasses.

The happiest recent event was...
my niece getting to go to Oprah.

My current annoyance is...
my 6 yr old needing to wear pull-ups at night.

The thing I want to buy is...
maybe a couple of casual dresses to run about town with the kids this summer.

If you visited the place I'm from...
and walked up the 'mountain', you would call it a mountain as well.

Most recent thing I've bought myself...
glasses.

Most recent thing someone else bought me was...
Beth gave me tea from Kenya, a tea towel from Kenya, and my fav body lotion.

If I was an animal I'd be...
a bird, so I could fly through the sky, see all there is to see from high up and dive down low and mingle around and go back up and shit on everyone's heads.

Yesterday I had...
to take Motor Mouth to school, drop J to work, meet with Cre8veChaos, go to the bank, pick up Motor Mouth, fix lunch and dinner, so work, take Motor Mouth to Awana, go shopping with J and Mini Me, pick Motor Mouth up, go to MAM's, and then hang with my husband after the kids went to bed.

Last night I was...
so tired, I kept falling asleep watching a show J wanted me to watch.

Tonight I am...
relaxing and trying not to feel guilty about it.

My favorite piece of jewelery is...
my Granny's wedding band because my Grandfather gave it to her and he loved her so much, even after over 50 years of marriage, and she loved him back so much. I know, because I used to see them hold hands and kiss. And because I was his favorite grandchild so to have this symbol of his love, is special to me.

My favorite shoes...
are my black Converse because they are so comfy and kinda hip.

I am looking forward to...
Mini Me starting this most amazing school. It is so incredible, I don't even have words to describe how incredible this style of learning is and what it will mean for my child.

The ones that know the most about me are...
my husband because he is my best friend and can you believe we've been best friends for 13 1/2 years?! I'd like to say we've been together that long, but we really were best friends for 3 years.

If my man were to bring me flowers I would want them to be...
sitting on top of a brand new Toyota Prius!

What is up with the Nicknames?

My bloggy friend, Lit and Laundry, asked what the story is behind 'Optimus Prime' my sister's nickname.  I've been a nickname kinda girl for as long as I can remember. It must have something to do with my father, Tall Tale Daddy. King of nicknames and a real joker.

Tall Tale Daddy & Green Eyed Granny

Tall Tale Daddy is always coming up with some crazy nickname. Like for my nephew who has a big head...'Headly'. Not nice. I know. But we don't call him that to his face anymore. My other nephew who was(is) a granny's boy...'Shadow' because he never left my mom's side. Oooo, then there was this lady my brother dated. She was way older so my dad referred to her as his Aunt. "Shaneus, your aunt is on the phone!"

My father calls me Simon Garfunkel, or more frequently, just Garfunkel. 

On my blog, I call him Tall Tale Daddy because you never really know when he is waxing eloquently. Like how he tells everyone of the time he swam out in the ocean and got stranded on a buoy because he was surrounded by sharks....

Yeah, right. The man can't swim!

Optimus Prime

My brother, Shaneus McTier, came up with the name 'Optimus Prime' for our older sister when Transformers had first come out. Optimus Prime has a strong sense of justice and righteousness which describes our sister. And I think back in the day, Optimus Prime was a fighter. My sister didn't start fights but she was good at finishing them!

She has a few other nicknames...

Khrushchev, after Nikita Khrushchev (former leader of the Soviet Union).

The Little One, because she is the littlest one in our family at 5'5" (and 3/4").

Also Nicolita, Napole, Napolita, and Little N. 

Seems like we never call her by her real name.

Shaneus McTier

I didn't know who came up with the name Shaneus McTeir, a play on his real name, so I called my dad. Turns out, the name is actually Shaneus McTaneus. I'm sticking with McTier as that is what I've used for too many years.

Dad also calls him Mr. Van Buren because he has 'presidential qualities'. Van Buren was the 8th US president.

Donuts

I call our oldest brother, Donuts, which is a play on his name and he used to be a cop. Haha!! Get it - cops love donuts. I came up with that one. Which is why I'm the only one that calls him that. Thing is, he is a health nut and has always had a great body. He doesn't eat donuts. Or drink coffee. It's a tongue in cheek nickname.

Nicknames were great in high school. It was really handy that we referred to the guys we liked by nicknames. That way, no one sitting around us knew who we were talking about. It worked well.

Hey, NAMK, remember Mr. USA and Mr. Gym??

Our Adoption Story - Part 6: Meeting Mini Me

We have been asked to share our adoption story.

In a multi-part series, I will share our experiences. I hope our story helps you, someone you know, or helps you to understand the experiences and emotional journey of someone you love.

Click on the links to view:

Our Adoption Journey - Part 1: Infertility

Our Adoption Journey - Part 2: Open to Adoption

Our Adoption Journey - Part 3: Meeting the Birth Mom

Our Adoption Journey - Part 4: Meeting Motor Mouth

Our Adoption Journey - Part 5: Crushing Disappointment

Synopsis:

We tried for 2 years before learning we were infertile.

J was not open to adoption. Then he was.

We met our son's birth mother.

We met our son.

A year of emotional disappointments ensued.

Our Adoption Story - Part 6: Meeting Mini Me

In February of 2006, we had the money we needed to pay for the adoption. Then we got a big tax bill. As soon as I opened the letter and read the shocking details, I called J and said, "We're getting a baby!!!" J asked if the agency director had called. I told him no, but we had the money and we got hit with this crazy bill, so that means us getting a baby is right round the corner!!! Murphy's law.

On Saturday, March 18th, 2006, the adoption agency director called to tell me about a birth mother who was due in June that would be a great match for us. She was having a little girl. How perfect was that!!

Not so perfect. By Monday at lunch, J and I were beside ourselves! The nursery was ready for a baby. What were we going to do for 3 months!! How on earth do people wait for 9 months to give birth? That is an insane amount of time to wait.

On Monday, March 20th, at approximately 5:10 pm, I received a phone call from the agency director. There was a birth mom at the hospital who wanted to place her baby for adoption. The baby had been born that afternoon at 2:01 pm. The birth mom was what we refer to as 'a drop in'. That means, she got to the hospital, gave birth, and told the hospital staff she wanted to place her baby for adoption. The agency director told us to standby. We might need to go to the hospital that night to meet the birth mom and the baby. But she had not told her boyfriend's family they were placing the baby, so they wanted to have the evening to tell them.

The next morning, I got a phone call asking if I could meet the agency director at the hospital that morning. I called her back to ask how big the baby was to make sure the clothes I had would fit. It was then I thought to ask if it was a boy or a girl. It was a girl!! It was still early, so I went to Wal-Mart to buy PINK!!!! We had neutral clothes already...But it was a GIRL!! I HAD to buy PINK!

J was shooting a TV show that morning, so he couldn't come to the hospital with me right then. The agency director, her assistant, and I went into the room together to meet the birth mom. 

When we walked in, TT, the birth mom, was sitting on a cot in her room, holding Mini Me. Next to her, was ML, who helped to facilitate the adoption. TT is about my complexion, and could pass for my sister, or certainly a family member. We talked briefly, then she introduced me to Mini Me and placed her in my arms.

Mini Me was THE most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on. C-section babies don't get squished, so their complexion and heads are just perfect. Plus, I met her when she was about 19 hours old. Truly, she was beautiful. I do not regret or miss not being in the delivery room. 

TT asked me if I liked the baby. "Like her?" I said, "I LOVE her!!" TT was very relieved that I loved the baby. She was honestly afraid I wouldn't. This was my baby. The other babies over the previous year, they weren't my babies. This was. And I loved her. J managed to wrap early and was there within the hour to meet his daughter.

When we met Mini Me, her first name was Michaela, after TT's boyfriend (not to be confused as being the birth father). And, amazingly enough, her middle name was the SAME as my first name!! How insanely coincidental is that! I had chosen Mini Me's first name a couple years before. We added my first name as that is what the birth mother had chosen. Her second middle name is Faith, after Faith Bond, who used to be our pastor's secretary. Faith is a strong woman of God who I admire greatly.

Mini Me was born at a different hospital that is not as adoption friendly. We did not have our own room. In fact, we didn't get to spend either night in the hospital with her - she had to stay longer as she was c-section. When we brought our baby girl home, J decided she needed a pink room. He set out to re-do the completely finished nursery into pink on pink harlequin patterned walls with black ribbon and fleur de lis, and chandeliers. 

Mini Me was born on Monday. We had been planning a big birthday party for Motor Mouth that Friday. It was an INSANE week! Imagine finding out you now have a newborn, bringing her home, meeting with the attorney and doing all the adoption related stuff, then getting all you need for an all out birthday party the next day! My sister said I MUST have known about Mini Me before that. Ugh...nope. If I had, there is no way I would have planned a birthday party for that same week!

Both Mini Me and Motor Mouth were dedicated at our church on the Mother's Day of the year they were born. How awesome is that!

Leaving the hospital that first night, J said, "There is a grandmother out there that doesn't know she has a granddaughter. We need to find her."  And we did. We have great relationships with Mini Me's paternal grandmother and her paternal grandfather and his wife. We love her uncles that we have met. We've also met her great grandparents. Mini Me has met her birth father. Sadly, we have not been able to yet, but we have a lifetime. We'll meet one day. In the meantime, we communicate via letters and pictures. Her birth father could be J's brother. That is how much they look alike.

We have a relationship with TT, as well. For about a year, we got to see TT every other month or so. Then, she disappeared. We are happy to report, TT is back in our lives and we are in phone contact. We'll make plans to see her again when next we visit Tulsa.

And that, in a nutshell is our adoption story. There is more, but you'll have to wait until the book comes out!!

Our Adoption Story - Part 5: Crushing Disappointment

We have been asked to share our adoption story.

In a multi-part series, I will share our experiences.

I hope our story helps you, someone you know, or helps you to understand the experiences and emotional journey of someone you love.

Click on the links to view:

Our Adoption Story - Part 1: Infertility

Our Adoption Story - Part 2: Open to Adoption

Our Adoption Story - Part 3: Meeting the Birth Mom

Our Adoption Story - Part 4: Meeting Motor Mouth

Synopsis:

We tried for 2 years before learning we were infertile.

J was not open to adoption. Then he was.

We met our son's birth mother.

We met our son.

Our Adoption Story - Part 5: Crushing Disappointment

Motor Mouth was a wonderful, calming influence in my life. He was a fabulous baby. Our relationship with his birth mother was on-going. In fact, she slept over so often, J made a plaque that sat on the dresser in our guest bedroom and said: KK's room.

There is a little known fact about the local adoption world.

If you have a card that proves you have registered, certifiable Native American blood, and that blood is of a recognizable tribe, your ability to be selected as an adoptive parent increases to the nth degree. J has such a card. It is the gold card of the adoption world. Once you have such a card, your wait time is reduced drastically. It has to do with the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA). If you are interested in learning about ICWA, comment with your email address, or email me and I'll email you the details.

In 2005, two potential birth moms previewed our makeshift life book. Normally, the agency does not tell you when someone is previewing your life book. However, we were approached by the agency director, when Motor Mouth was 2, and we weren't ready to adopt again. We didn't have an updated life book, or Dear Birth Mother letter. I talked to KK about it, to see if she was okay with us adopting again. She was. In fact, she loaned us her life book that we put with our family album. KK also did a few phone interviews with potential birth moms for us.

Both of the birth moms decided to parent, instead of placing their child for adoption. That was fine with us. We weren't ready. They were having boys, and we wanted a girl. But you can't tell the agency director which sex you prefer. She would tell you, "You can't choose which you'll get when you have a biological child."

But then it started to hurt.

Anonymous #2's daughter knew of a girl who was pregnant. We traveled to Dallas, to meet with the girl, the boy, and their parents. They were wonderful. It was weird meeting with them without our agency representatives. But, at that point, we were equipped to handle it. We were speaking at adoption workshops together, highly involved in the agency, mentoring girls, planning events, and I was on the Oklahoma Adoption Coalition.

A week later, the girl called to tell us her parents were going to help them care for the baby so they would parent. If you saw how much those two kids loved each other, you would know it was the right decision for them. For me, it was fine. But J had his heart set on this child. It crushed him.

There were several other babies who came across our paths. J and I would take turns feeling the crushing sadness when we were not chosen.

One day, one of the first girls who had decided parent had a change in circumstances. Photog felt as though she was supposed to place her now 6 week old son for adoption. Photog called our agency again and asked if we had a baby yet. As she lived in another city, we started talking on the phone. I didn't think this was our baby and I had to tell her. We were sure there was another family in the agency that would be great parents for her baby, so I took life books to her family home in another city for them to look at.

While there, I got triple hit. The agency director called, J called, and Photog's mom asked if I had changed my mind and wanted to parent the baby. I had a 90-minute drive home to 'work it out' in my head. By the end of the week, I called Photog and told her we'd like to be considered to parent her son. She had appointments setup that Sunday with 3 other couples. They made time for us and thought it would be us. But she choose one of the other couples instead. I was devastated. To say I was crushed was an understatement. I was angry at myself for going back on our decision and for allowing myself to get my hopes up.

We put together a new Dear Birth Mother letter and life book. Soon, we met with a new birth mom and her mother. The baby was due in just a week! We told everyone. But then that adoption fell through. It was more embarrassing than painful.

It had been a full year of emotional upheaval. Around this time, we didn't know where KK was. I missed her. She is a part of our family. She is vital to our son's emotional and psychological development. We didn't know where she was living or working. I felt like my heart was bleeding for KK. I started on a mission to find her.

In the meantime, Photog selected a wonderful family and she moved to Tulsa to live in the agency's transitional home. A home designed to help the girls get back on their feet. The agency assigns a mentor to each girl. I asked to be Photog's mentor. I know, how insane is that! But let me tell we became very good friends. She has babysat our kids and slept over. She is fabulous. Last year, I set her up with the second best man in the world - my Hero, PR. They were married a week ago.

And the girl in Dallas we met? Her mom and I kept in touch. I've seen pictures of that adorable little boy. Next time we go to Dallas, we will be sure to meet up with them for coffee or dessert, or something.

On Saturday, March 18th, 2006, the agency director called to tell me about a birth mother who was due in June that would be a great match for us. She was having a little girl. How perfect was that!!

Next

Our Adoption Story - Part 6: Meeting Mini Me

Our Adoption Story - Part 4: Meeting Motor Mouth

We've been asked about our adoption journey.

In a multi-part series, I will share our experiences.

I hope our story helps you, someone you know, or helps you to understand the experiences and emotional journey of someone you love.

Click on the links to view:

Our Adoption Story - Part 1: Infertility

Our Adoption Story - Part 2: Open to Adoption

Our Adoption Story - Part 3: Meeting the Birth Mom

Synopsis:

We tried for 2 years then found out we were infertile.

J was not open to adoption, then he was.

We met our son's birth mother.

Our Adoption Story - Part 4: Meeting Motor Mouth

We had 3 weeks to get to know our child's birth mother, meet with the adoption attorney, adoption counselor, get a nursery ready, buy baby gear, register at Babies R Us, attend birthing classes and doctor appointments with the birth mother, and I had to prepare my office for a substitute to take over. Yikes!!

It was an insane time. It made me realize the 9 months of gestation is not really for the baby's development. I mean, God could have made that all happen in 5 months for everyone. Those 9 months are purely for the parents to get ready!

The first doctor appointment we attended with KK, the birth mom, we were all suddenly ushered next door to the labor and delivery room. Due to a situation being played out, and for the safety of the birth mother and the baby, we checked KK in under an assumed name. We left for lunch, and it appeared we were going to be having a baby!

KK was experiencing pre-eclampsia. Everyone left the room. It was just KK and me. I leaned over, and told her how special she was to us. That she was our hero and we loved her. I meant every word I said then, and I mean it today. Soon, her blood pressure when down, and we all got to go home. Crisis averted.

One day, I was really low. It was all hitting me. Hard. Babette stopped by my desk. She told me what I was going through were MY labor pains. She might as well have been my labor coach, because those few words made all the difference for me.

On a Saturday night, we were hard at work on the new nursery. It was about 11:30 pm when we pulled into our driveway. My phone rang. It was the birth mom's house mother. KK's water had broken. They were going to shower and be on the way to the hospital. We called J's mom, who was also going to be in the labor room.

We ran into the house to shower and grab the hospital bags. J heard me crying and came into the bedroom. Through the birthing class, I learned once the water breaks, the baby has to be delivered within 24 hours. That meant our son would be born on March 23rd. March 23rd was the day my grandfather passed away. I was his favorite grandchild. He was my favorite person in the world.

We were up all night. J's whole family showed up at the hospital. I had never heard of such a thing! My family waited at home for the call. My mother-in-law was in the labor room with us. I thought it was great all these people were there. It was just foreign to me.

J was supposed to cut the umbilical cord. J's mom was to be in the room when her first grandchild was born. At the last, KK got shy and asked her doula to ask them to leave the room. At first, J was angry. But then he remembered what the adoption counselor had said. She said that whatever was in the best interest of the birth mother, was in the best interest of the baby. If KK was more comfortable without him and his mom in the room, the baby would have a better delivery.

I held KK's left leg as she pushed. The doctor was wonderful and included me. He had me look, to see the baby's head crowning. I was right there. Right there. The baby came out. I cut the umbilical cord. It looked different than I thought it would. So did the afterbirth.

I didn't know what to do. Should I go to the baby? But I didn't want KK to think all I was about was the baby. Should I go to KK? But I didn't want KK, or the doctor and doula to think I didn't care about the baby. I didn't know what to do. Finally, someone told me to go meet my son. So I did.

I was expecting a monkey. All newborn babies look like monkeys. I was surprised he was beautiful. Of course, he had a hat on that covered his cone head from the suction cup used to pluck him out, but the hat just helped to frame his perfect little face. I didn't know what to do with this minutes old baby. I remembered hearing about people counting fingers and toes. So I did.

J came in and we stood there, staring at this baby boy. He was here. 10 days EARLY, but he was here. On the most special day ever.

Our son was born on March 23rd at 2:10 pm. Exactly 2 weeks to the day his birth mother asked if I would be her son's mother. 22 years to the day my grandfather passed away.

J picked our son's first name. He knew twins in Missouri, and one of them had a really cool name. KK chose the middle name, after a boy that was really nice to her when she needed a friend. I always wanted to name my son after my grandfather, but J didn't want 2 middle names. When our son was born on the same day my grandfather had passed away years before, J changed his mind!

Our dear friend, Laura, brought flowers to the hospital for me and for KK. How sweet was that!! Our Sunday School teachers came to the hospital. How special was that!! And all of J's family was there. How wonderful was that!!

We had our own room at the hospital. KK came to visit the baby in our room. That night, we were up talking forever late. I was exhausted, but KK was on a high. She had been able to nap before and after the birth. I hadn't. Finally, I suggested she take the baby to her room for the night. I was tired. I wanted to sleep. I was going home with the baby. She wasn't. I wanted her to be able to spend as much time with him as possible. And I wanted to sleep.

Criteria 1

I had been so concerned about finances and having everything we needed for a baby. Motor Mouth came 10 days early. We didn't have the baby shower yet. Other than the sleepers and blankets J had bought at Wal-Mart that night, we didn't have anything. Faith Chick, J's sister-in-law, was due in 2 months. She had already had a baby shower for her daughter. Faith Chick was so wonderful to let our son use her daughter's brand new stash until our baby showers. We had 3 baby showers with a guest list of 200 of our closest friends and family. Our son was so blessed to have received EVERYTHING on the registry and EVERYTHING he needed. We were blessed with fabulous people in our lives.

Criteria 2

J had been so concerned our son would not be brown. He was. Not real dark, but, in addition to his caucasian blood, he is part Hispanic and Cherokee Indian, so he does have olive skin and intense, dark eyes. J got his brown baby!

Our once empty baby sleepers now had our baby in them. Our dead dream rose up, fully manifested and his initials are JDP.

Next

Our Adoption Story - Part 5: Crushing Disappointment

Our Adoption Story - Part 3: Meeting the Birth Mom

We've been asked about our adoption journey.

In a multi-part series, I will share our experiences. I hope our story helps you, someone you know, or helps you to understand the experiences and emotional journey of someone you love.

Click on the links to view:

Our Adoption Story - Part 1: Infertility

Our Adoption Story - Part 2: Open to Adoption

Synopsis:

We tried for 2 years before learning we were infertile.

Jason was not open to adoption. Then he was.

Adoption - Part 3: Meeting the Birth Mom

Thursday evening, we got a call from the agency director. A birth mom wanted to interview us and 2 other families. Would we be available to meet her the next afternoon? We were. Well, we weren't really. We were working on a catered volunteer banquet for 700 volunteers that night. But, somehow, we finished everything in time to make it to the meeting - in jeans and not looking our very best.

We were sitting at the restaurant when in walks this tall, beautiful blonde girl with green eyes. Great. I figured she was not going to place her Aryan baby with brown-skinned me! We talked and had a good time getting to know her. At first, she was shy, but talking about our life book helped us find common interests. She was a very articulate, personable girl.

Based on the physical characteristics of the birth mother and what we knew of the birth father, we figured this baby would be blonde with green eyes and not be brown skinned. The funny thing is, I told Jason, the baby would fit more in my family than in his, with my mother's green eyes and very fair skin, and my brother's biological daughter's blonde hair and blue eyes. J has dark haired people in his family.

I told J it was fine by me if the baby was white, because I had wanted a white baby and that was why I married him. He told me would be disappointed if the baby was white, because he wanted a brown baby and that was why he married me. Maybe we should have discussed our expectations before marrying...

Financially, we were not in a good position to become parents. In addition to his full-time job, J had been working part-time for a company that was encountering financial hardship. All the staff were laid off, including J. This meant 1/3 of our income was gone. We could do it, we thought, but we needed some time to save up for all the baby stuff.

That night, at the volunteer banquet, we were all abuzz talking about the adoption meeting experience. We told our family and friends we did not think that was our baby. That the timing was not right. We didn't have the full funds just yet. The room wasn't ready.

The baby was due in 3 weeks, we wanted to wait 6 months to a year for a baby. I had heard stories of women sitting in the nursery, rocking, waiting for their baby. I wanted that. I wanted to rock and wait. Our nursery was an office at the time. It was only a few months into the adoption process. People usually wait for years for a baby, don't they? We weren't desperate yet. We could wait up to a year.

On Sunday, at church, OJ, our dear friend and former music minister - and the minister who married us, gave me a message for J. OJ said God had told him to tell J, "Don't pass up a blessing because it does not meet your criteria." I mentioned it to J at lunch. Okay OJ.

When we pulled up in our driveway, I got a call from the birth mom we had met. She said she had a question to ask me. Okay. I figured she wanted to know where I went to school or something like that. "Will you be my baby's mom?" she asked.

Whoa!! Wasn't there some sort of protocol? Shouldn't the agency director ask us? Our answer was no! Thankfully my filter worked that time. I managed to tell her we were flattered and we just needed to pray about it some more. Thank God for prayer!! What else do you tell someone when you want to stall for time - ? I gotta pray.

I called the agency director who was thrilled and said she had told the girl to call us. I told her our answer was "No". She said no one had ever said no before. Urgh! Desperate people! We weren't desperate yet. I told her we would talk and pray about it and get back to her.

Then we freaked out!!!! We couldn't pray. We were too wooooooooooo in our heads to pray. So we called everyone we could get a hold of to pray. We even left voice messages for them to pray for us. That is when OJ's comments came back to mind. Our criteria were all about money for me and J wanted a brown baby.

Why did OJ have to give us that message!! Then, sitting at our kitchen table, J held out his hand to me and said, 'Will you jump with me?' I said 'Yes' and walked over to him. J stood up, we held hands, and jumped over a grout line in our ceramic tile. Then we called the birth mother and the agency director. We were having a baby!!!

Next

Our Adoption Story - Part 4: Meeting Motor Mouth

Our Adoption Story - Part 2: Open to Adoption

We've been asked about our adoption journey.

In a multi-part series, I will share our experiences. I hope our story helps you, someone you know, or helps you to understand the experiences and emotional journey of someone you love.

Click on the link to view:

Our Adoption Story - Part 1: Infertility

Synopsis:

We tried for 2 years to get pregnant before learning we were infertile.

Our Adoption Story - Part 2: Open to Adoption

J was 200% adamant that he did NOT want to adopt. I had wanted to adopt since I was in my very early 20's. There was one boy in particular, Jesse, my then boyfriend and I wanted to adopt. I never forgot that boy and pray for him often. That put the adoption buzz in my heart.

With J not wanting to adopt, I had to resign myself to never being a mother. We went so far as to look at a 2-seater sports car because if we weren't going to have children, we should at least have some fun!!

J and I both worked for our church. The church had a private school. The new school receptionist, C-Mom6, had 6 children, one of whom was adopted in an open adoption. I thought she was insane for having 4 biological children and wanting to adopt a 5th when she was pregnant with her 6th. C-Mom6 was even more curious because of that whole open adoption thing. Every chance I got, I would ask C-Mom6 about adoption and open adoption. I remember stealing glances at her son's birth mother, who came with them to our church's Halloween party. They were strange people. Odd. Peculiar at best.

One morning, I did my usual questioning of C-Mom6 about her peculiar family. J was there this time. We were in his office. While she was talking, all of a sudden, I literally saw a lightbulb go on in J. He was finally open to adoption. At the start of that 15-minute conversation, he was closed like Fort Knox. By the end, he was wide open to adoption.

I jumped on the adoption bandwagon immediately. That night, I officially interviewed C-Mom6 and her husband, P-Dad6. I searched the Internet, talked to people, made phone calls. I was shocked to find out so many of our church friends were adopted, had adopted, or knew of someone that was adopted.

We were signed up with the state agency, with the tribal adoption program, and I was investigating every possible agency in town and in state. There were no stones I planned to leave unturned.

There was this one agency in town that was insane! They required a FULLY open adoption. Like, you not only exchanged names and pictures, but you met regularly, and maybe even had the birth mom to your home! I wasn't closing any doors. I signed us up thinking I would 'say' we wanted open adoption then after it was finalized, we'd be like, 'see ya'! (Don't be a hater, I'm not the only one that thinks that way).

That agency required us to read a book called 'Children of Open Adoption' by Silber and Dorner. Well, I did. It was through this book, that I learned how important an on-going relationship with the birth parent(s) is for the adoptee. My child would be better off emotionally as an adult if we maintained a relationship with the birth parent(s). Well, if it's good for my child, I'm there. J not so much.

In late February 2003, I dragged J to a workshop presented by this renegade adoption agency. We fell in love with the organization. We were all about volunteering, which was the basis of the organization. They required their adoptive parents to volunteer a minimum of 100 hours before the adoption was finalized.

J even changed his mind on open adoption. By the end of the workshop, J was 'let her sleep over' where I was 'she can come to my house, but I don't talk to my mother every week, do I have to talk to her every week?' Once we grasped the concept and benefits of open adoption for our child, for us, and for the birth mother, we no longer felt the need to kick the girl to the curb after finalization.

That weekend, the agency director told us she needed our Dear Birthmother letter and lifebook to show to 2 girls who were pregnant. Yikes!! We hurried up and got it finished. J did it on the computer, so we were able to print off 2 copies.

A Dear Birthmother letter is basically your adoption resume. It is a brief synopsis of your lives growing up, in your family, and about your wedding and current life. The lifebook is a pictorial and minor editorial on how wonderful you are and why you would be the perfect parents for this girl's child. No pressure. Just get it right, or you don't get to be parents!

A little over a week later, we got a phone call from the agency director.

Next

Our Adoption Story - Part 3: Meeting the Birth Mom

Our Adoption Story - Part 1: Infertility

We've been asked about our adoption journey.

In a multi-part series, I will share our experiences. I hope our story helps you, someone you know, or helps you to understand the experiences and emotional journey of someone you love.

Our Adoption Story - Part 1: Infertility

J and I were married in 1999. We wanted to wait until we were established to have children. By that, we wanted to provide our children with the same basic material things we each had growing up - a house, a yard, the security of a home to call their own. We wanted the American Dream - 2 kids, a house, a yard, a dog, a couple of cars, not necessarily a white picket fence, but a fence none-the-less.

In 2000, after a "pregnancy scare", we stopped using birth control. We decided to put the timing of our family in God's hands. Besides, at age 30, I wasn't getting any younger! While we wanted children, I prayed every month that we NOT be pregnant. God knew I wanted our own house before having children. When we thought I was pregnant, we had been living with J's parents. We were scared alright - you can't get pregnant while living with your parents! That's just wrong.

In 2001, I still wasn't pregnant. We had the house. No fence, but a beautiful back yard with a shed, and a pond at the edge. I did the daily temperature readings, and charting and we were cautious to set to work 'in the window'. It got to be less about fun and more about work. Each month, I was disappointed. I felt like a failure.

Finally, we went to the doctor for testing. J got to get happy in a cup, while I had to undergo some very painful fertility testing procedures. To my deep surprise, I checked out perfectly healthy. I had had several operations and a pretty serious bout with endometriosis when I was in my early 20's so I thought for sure my tubes were blocked or out of place or something.

I remember exactly where I was sitting when Dr. Cole called to tell me J "didn't have enough bad boys to do the job". I know that sounded cold, but I loved Dr. Cole's presentation. I liked that he was a frat boy gyno. He gave me the news the way I needed to hear it. He made the news bearable. J went for further testing. We had second opinions. Apparently, it is a little known chromosome defect J was born with but no one knew.

I also remember clearly, the $11,000 desk the infertility specialist sat behind when he told J and I that our only option to have biological children together was to do in-vitro fertilization. It was going to cost us $15,000. Without skipping a beat, he said based on my cycle, he had an opening in 2 weeks that he could start us on. Yeah, like I have $15,000 just burning a hole in my pocket.

Our families had their own money drama going on, so in-vitro was not an option for us financially. But there were some social and spiritual reasons why we couldn't do it as well. With in-vitro, it was possible that we would have multiple embryos formed. Do we implant one at a time? Multiple at a time? We could scarcely afford one round of in-vitro. How were were going to afford two or three? And what if all the embryos took? I don't want to carry twins or multiples!! Do we do selective eliminations?

And what about the embryos after we are done having kids? Do we destroy them? Do we sell or adopt them out? And if someone else gets our embryo(s), would we know who and be able to stay in touch for the next 30 years so our kids don't end up dating or marrying their sibling?

My heart goes out to anyone who goes through fertility treatments. It is NOT an easy road, nor is it a string of easy decisions. I will never condemn anyone for choosing the path they chose to become parents. It is not an easy road at all.

The good news is, J's parents felt sorry for us and took us to Disney World the following month. We had a wonderful time but that was one of the hardest weeks of our lives. I can't tell you how many mixed race children were running around all 5 or 6 of those theme parks. At one point, I asked J if it was mixed race child week at Disney World - there were that many of them there. It was a wonderful trip, but I really could have done without all those mixed children around. I wanted to cry half the time.

I hated getting my period each month. It was a regular reminder of what a failure I was. I thought maybe this was my punishment for my youthful indiscretions. I felt like J, who was this wonderful man that would be a terrific father, was being punished because of my past sins. Logically, biblically, not accurate. But if I didn't blame myself, who could I blame - my husband for something that he was born with? My in-laws for birthing him? Or God? It was me. It was easier, neater, cleaner, more acceptable to blame myself.

I did not know it at the time, but J thought I might leave him for someone who could give me a child. Leaving J was not a thought on my mind. To me, it was J who had wanted children so badly. I wanted to be able to fulfill J's dreams. Our roles early on in our marriage was J as the dreamer with grand plans and ideas and me as the figurer outer of how to make his dreams come true financially. I couldn't make this dream work out for him. I felt like even more of a failure.

There is this song, by Heart, that talks about a woman who picks up a hitch hiker. It turns out, she picked him up so she could get pregnant because a child was the one thing the man she loves couldn't give her. I used to think she was a horrible person. And what a horrible song. But now I understand how someone who was desperate to have a child could do this. To this day, I have a hard time listening to that song, but I can't turn it off either. Leaving my husband was not part of my thought process. Sleeping with another man to have a child was never an option. I don't agree with the choices of the woman. But if I met her today, I'd give her a hug because I know she was hurting.

It hurt so much to see other people with children. To see pregnant women. Two days after being told we would never be parents, a friend took me to a paper party. There were 6 women there, including us. Of those, 3 were pregnant!!! I wanted to run in a room and cry. I wanted to get out of there but my friend was driving and she wasn't leaving any time soon.

I remember J's brother, Marine 1, and sister-in-law, Faith Chick, going through infertility testing around the same time as us. Faith Chick, told me the doctor said Marine 1 had 'champion sperm'. How unfair was that!! They were brothers. They should both have the same defect. But life isn't about fair.

Then Faith Chick got pregnant. That was so hard for me. I had to be happy for her. They had been trying and she had had her own fertility issues to deal with. But it was hard to be happy. She lost that baby. And I felt so horrible for her. Then she got pregnant again. And again, I tried to be happy for her. My mother-in-law was so happy and thrilled. Giddy, almost. I had to sit there and pretend to be 'in to it' when all I wanted to do was apologize for being such a failure as a daughter-in-law and all I wanted to do was bawl in a corner. I felt like a selfish, spoiled brat. I hated myself. I worked hard not to hate pregnant woman. Faith Chick's struggles taught me that I should not look at pregnant women with jealousy and bitterness. That I had no clue what that woman had to go through to get pregnant. It helped to heal my heart towards pregnant women.

I was open to adoption. I'd been open to adoption since I was in my early 20's when my then boyfriend and I saw Jesse, a little boy on the city bus, with his foster family. We said if we ever got married, we would go look for Jesse to adopt. I still pray for that boy to this day (Jesse, not the ex-boyfriend, wink!). J did not want to adopt. He was dead set against adoption. He was dead set against using donor sperm. That really ticked me off because our insurance would have covered most of the expenses if we used donor sperm. Infertility makes you ask yourself some hard questions. It makes you look at options you would never contemplate under normal circumstances.

We tried to move on with our lives. We even went car shopping and seriously thought to get a sports car. We thought we would be able to travel to world and do some fun stuff. Heck, if we can't have kids, we can live life up!! We ended up buying a Jeep instead - good thing!! Only I refused to get the one with the rear a/c upgrade. We weren't going to have kids. No way was I paying more for something we'd never use. In hindsight, I wish I gone for that upgrade.

Inside, I was dying. I remember yelling at God one day. I told him that if He wasn't going to fulfill this desire in my heart to be a parent, then He HAD BETTER take away the desire. It was too hard. Too crushing. Too overwhelming to live with that emptiness inside me with no recourse.

The thing is, I didn't realize just how much I really wanted children until I found out it wasn't an option. I thought it would be nice to have kids but I thought I could live a very happy, normal life without them.

J was working crazy hours on our church's new multi-million dollar children's building. He spent countless hours setting up lighting and sound to enhance an already decadent children's facility. A facility he dreaded going to every day because he would never have children of his own to walk those halls.

One night, J and I were arguing about it all. J left the house late at night. It scared me. He didn't normally leave after an argument and not that late at night. He came home with a bunch of baby stuff from Wal-Mart. Sleepers, blankets, socks, diapers. I put it all in a Longaberger basket. We kept that basket of baby stuff on our dresser for about a year, believing that one day, God would fill those clothes with our baby.

In the meantime, JH, one of the school teachers on staff with us shared a scripture verse at staff devotions. It was Ezekiel 37:1-10 where God commanded Ezekiel to speak to the dead bones and command them to live. JH paraphrased it to speak to her dead dreams,

"So I prophesied to my dead dreams like God told me to, and I commanded life to come into my heart's desire. And that inner dream God gave me lived and rose up, fully manifested."

I asked JH for a copy of that verse. I taped it to my computer monitor and believed that we would one day have a baby. That although our American Dream had died, God could revive those dead dreams.

Next:

Our Adoption Story - Part 2: Open to Adoption