Weeding

There are people in our lives that we think we need to be there. It could be a parent, a sibling, a friend, a spouse. But in fact, our lives would be better if we limited or ended their involvement in our lives.

My mother has always said that "people only know what you tell them." She is right. If I keep sharing my life challenges with someone that filters everything through a lens that makes me feel marginalized then I need to stop sharing my life with that person.

If I have been saying for years that I need "X-y-z from you and not 1-2-3" and all you do is laugh and joke about me saying what I need from you then I need to stop sharing my life with you, regardless of the title you hold in my life.

A friend of mine has been telling her husband what she needs from him for years. She has asked him to go to counseling together, gave him the numbers for his own individual counseling and still no change. He loves her dearly and she loves him dearly but their marriage is ending.

If we really want the honor of being in someone's life, we have to do our work just as much as they have to do their work.

When we finally take the leap to release someone from our lives it can be liberating. At first it may be difficult to hold back from calling that person. But I can tell you from personal experience that it is refreshing.

There are family members I have not spoken to in years. These are people I loved dearly. But since cutting them out of my life, I have had greater peace and freedom. I don't have to hear about their gossip. Interestingly enough, the latest dumb ass thing that Cousin Dumb Ass did does not add to my life and I don't need to know about it. I am happy to live in blissful ignorance of their dumb ass antics. It is a liberating place to be.

I think it is harder to limit the interaction with people you have to deal with. For example, a co-worker or former spouse, or just one parent. Especially if it is someone you honestly love and want to be in relationship with but for your own protection, you can't. Each interaction after that initial one has to be well thought through and each interaction you hold back a little more and a little more.

The art of deflection becomes key. On Monday, when your co-worker asks about your weekend you say "It was great! Tell me about yours." That way, they think you have shared when really they did. Or if your mother asks how you are all doing, you say, "Everyone is well on this end. How are things going at your job (volunteer work, church, etc.)?" Again, she thinks you shared when you didn't.

Good luck with your weeding!

Hold Tight & Pretend It's a Plan

For the last two years we have been on a Hellish ride. 

In the fall of 2010, we thought we had a ticket to a sunny destination. We were coasting into the station but then instead of the train stopping at our sunny vacation destination, it picked up speed the following spring and began racing down the tracks. The train made a sharp turn into a dark, suffocating abyss that fall. Each time we tried to open a window to get some fresh air, it was slammed shut on our fingers. The pain excruciating. 

At times we just wanted to get off the runaway train. Jumping off to a certain death seemed more promising than staying on the ride through Hell. 

The train angled sharply downward last spring. And even more so a few weeks later in the summer. With each angling, the car we were on jerked our bodies, causing us to grip even tighter to what we knew - each other.

We tried to maintain the passenger car experience for our children even though we were really riding in the cattle car for almost a year. J used his skills, talents, and sheer determination to paint beautiful scenery on the windows for our kids. 

Once in awhile they would see the darkness. We told them it was night time and held them closer to our chests. I don't think they knew just how dark and deep the abyss on the other side of the glass really was. Children should be able to be children. They shouldn't have to worry about grown up things. 

Towards the end of last summer, the train whistle sounded. It felt like the train had begun to slow down a bit. It felt like it was pulling into a station. It did pull in. New people got on. The train started its dark, bumpy ride again. A little smoother this time. 

Along the ride, there had been people who rode in the car with us. They helped us to remember what it felt like to have the sunshine beam down on our faces. They gave us a reprieve from the all encompassing fear. 

In late fall, we heard that there might be another train station coming around the corner. We really, really, really wanted this to be the station that meant  we could finally get off the hellish train ride. But we didn't dare to look ahead. Too many times before, we thought we saw the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Only for it to be a mirage. A jolt that threw us down an even steeper slope. No, don't look. No, don't hope. 

This month, we pulled into the station. We haven't gotten off the train yet. There's a lot of our baggage on the train. The station is underground. It's going to take a bit to get back up to the surface. 

We feel safer at this station than we have anywhere else for over two years. Maybe by the time summer comes, we will be back above ground where we can feel the sun shine on us once again. 

Maybe. Just maybe. This time. Maybe this time. 

Strep Rash

Strep Throat + Rash = Strep Rash
AKA Scarlet Fever
Treatment: Antibiotics and Patience

I was sick for several days with a REALLY sore throat. Knives. I knew what it was but hoped beyond hope that I was wrong. Sadly, it was, in fact, strep throat.

Normally, it's not a big deal for me. Go to the doctor, get meds, done. But we, like so many other hard-working people in America that work over 40 hrs/wk, do not have medical insurance. Sadly, it boils down to a choice between going to the urgent care for $140 cash plus the cost of testing and $75 for an antibiotic or getting your kids' Christmas presents and risk getting complications that could affect your heart.

We got lucky. I got antibiotics. Rash and symptoms gone. Hmmm...ObamaCare doesn't seem so bad after all....

My Daily Miracle

I have to share this kooky story with my Bloggy friends.

J was laid off last November. Right before that, it seemed like my facial cleanser was almost gone. I'd been using it since September.

After J got laid off, we cut back on EVERYTHING, even more than normal. I had been ready to toss my facial cleanser but after the lay off,  I kept it and figured I would squeeze the life out of it for another month. I did.

Then another month and another month and another month went by and I was still squeezing cleanser out! This little container lasted over a year.

Every day it was a reminder to me that our needs were being taken care of. We still lived in the same home, drove the same car, had food to feed our children and were able to cloth the kids. Trust me, I needed a daily reminder.

There were days that this little bottle of facial cleanser brought me to tears. Tears of fear. Tears of relief. Tears of uncertainty. Tears of hope. Tears of anger. Tears of despair.

I finally had to part with my cleanser. It served me well. Honestly, it was hard to do. It felt like if I threw this away, the house of cards we had been living would come crashing down.

Bet the makers of Clearasil Daily Face Wash never had all this in mind when they started manufacturing their product!

Still I Rise

Regardless of what life throws at me, it doesn't matter.

Regardless of what time of day or night the messy life stuff comes, I know that Still I Rise.