Monday, October 20, 2008

Our Adoption Story - Part 4: Meeting Motor Mouth

We've been asked about our adoption journey.
In a multi-part series, I will share our experiences.
I hope our story helps you, someone you know, or helps you to understand the experiences and emotional journey of someone you love.

Click on the links to view:

We tried for 2 years then found out we were infertile.
J was not open to adoption, then he was.
We met our son's birth mother.

Our Adoption Story - Part 4: Meeting Motor Mouth

We had 3 weeks to get to know our child's birth mother, meet with the adoption attorney, adoption counselor, get a nursery ready, buy baby gear, register at Babies R Us, attend birthing classes and doctor appointments with the birth mother, and I had to prepare my office for a substitute to take over. Yikes!!

It was an insane time. It made me realize the 9 months of gestation is not really for the baby's development. I mean, God could have made that all happen in 5 months for everyone. Those 9 months are purely for the parents to get ready!

The first doctor appointment we attended with KK, the birth mom, we were all suddenly ushered next door to the labor and delivery room. Due to a situation being played out, and for the safety of the birth mother and the baby, we checked KK in under an assumed name. We left for lunch, and it appeared we were going to be having a baby!

KK was experiencing pre-eclampsia. Everyone left the room. It was just KK and me. I leaned over, and told her how special she was to us. That she was our hero and we loved her. I meant every word I said then, and I mean it today. Soon, her blood pressure when down, and we all got to go home. Crisis averted.

One day, I was really low. It was all hitting me. Hard. Babette stopped by my desk. She told me what I was going through were MY labor pains. She might as well have been my labor coach, because those few words made all the difference for me.

On a Saturday night, we were hard at work on the new nursery. It was about 11:30 pm when we pulled into our driveway. My phone rang. It was the birth mom's house mother. KK's water had broken. They were going to shower and be on the way to the hospital. We called J's mom, who was also going to be in the labor room.

We ran into the house to shower and grab the hospital bags. J heard me crying and came into the bedroom. Through the birthing class, I learned once the water breaks, the baby has to be delivered within 24 hours. That meant our son would be born on March 23rd. March 23rd was the day my grandfather passed away. I was his favorite grandchild. He was my favorite person in the world.

We were up all night. J's whole family showed up at the hospital. I had never heard of such a thing! My family waited at home for the call. My mother-in-law was in the labor room with us. I thought it was great all these people were there. It was just foreign to me.

J was supposed to cut the umbilical cord. J's mom was to be in the room when her first grandchild was born. At the last, KK got shy and asked her doula to ask them to leave the room. At first, J was angry. But then he remembered what the adoption counselor had said. She said that whatever was in the best interest of the birth mother, was in the best interest of the baby. If KK was more comfortable without him and his mom in the room, the baby would have a better delivery.

I held KK's left leg as she pushed. The doctor was wonderful and included me. He had me look, to see the baby's head crowning. I was right there. Right there. The baby came out. I cut the umbilical cord. It looked different than I thought it would. So did the afterbirth.

I didn't know what to do. Should I go to the baby? But I didn't want KK to think all I was about was the baby. Should I go to KK? But I didn't want KK, or the doctor and doula to think I didn't care about the baby. I didn't know what to do. Finally, someone told me to go meet my son. So I did.

I was expecting a monkey. All newborn babies look like monkeys. I was surprised he was beautiful. Of course, he had a hat on that covered his cone head from the suction cup used to pluck him out, but the hat just helped to frame his perfect little face. I didn't know what to do with this minutes old baby. I remembered hearing about people counting fingers and toes. So I did.

J came in and we stood there, staring at this baby boy. He was here. 10 days EARLY, but he was here. On the most special day ever.

Our son was born on March 23rd at 2:10 pm. Exactly 2 weeks to the day his birth mother asked if I would be her son's mother. 22 years to the day my grandfather passed away.

J picked our son's first name. He knew twins in Missouri, and one of them had a really cool name. KK chose the middle name, after a boy that was really nice to her when she needed a friend. I always wanted to name my son after my grandfather, but J didn't want 2 middle names. When our son was born on the same day my grandfather had passed away years before, J changed his mind!

Our dear friend, Laura, brought flowers to the hospital for me and for KK. How sweet was that!! Our Sunday School teachers came to the hospital. How special was that!! And all of J's family was there. How wonderful was that!!

We had our own room at the hospital. KK came to visit the baby in our room. That night, we were up talking forever late. I was exhausted, but KK was on a high. She had been able to nap before and after the birth. I hadn't. Finally, I suggested she take the baby to her room for the night. I was tired. I wanted to sleep. I was going home with the baby. She wasn't. I wanted her to be able to spend as much time with him as possible. And I wanted to sleep.

Criteria 1
I had been so concerned about finances and having everything we needed for a baby. Motor Mouth came 10 days early. We didn't have the baby shower yet. Other than the sleepers and blankets J had bought at Wal-Mart that night, we didn't have anything. Faith Chick, J's sister-in-law, was due in 2 months. She had already had a baby shower for her daughter. Faith Chick was so wonderful to let our son use her daughter's brand new stash until our baby showers. We had 3 baby showers with a guest list of 200 of our closest friends and family. Our son was so blessed to have received EVERYTHING on the registry and EVERYTHING he needed. We were blessed with fabulous people in our lives.

Criteria 2
J had been so concerned our son would not be brown. He was. Not real dark, but, in addition to his caucasian blood, he is part Hispanic and Cherokee Indian, so he does have olive skin and intense, dark eyes. J got his brown baby!

Our once empty baby sleepers now had our baby in them. Our dead dream rose up, fully manifested and his initials are JDP.



Norma-ann at The Mommy Project said...

I had no idea you were right there in the room when your son was born! This is a wonderful story and I am enjoying it very much. So great of you to share it!

Shan said...

What an incredible story so far. I am so glad you decided to share it with us.

Ace said...

It's amazing that you were able to be right there in the room and that God provided above all that you could have asked or desired...right down to the hue.
I am enjoying the story, thanks for sharing.