We've been asked about our adoption journey.
In a multi-part series, I will share our experiences. I hope our story helps you, someone you know, or helps you to understand the experiences and emotional journey of someone you love.
Click on the links to view:
We tried for 2 years before learning we were infertile.
Jason was not open to adoption. Then he was.
Adoption - Part 3: Meeting the Birth Mom
Thursday evening, we got a call from the agency director. A birth mom wanted to interview us and 2 other families. Would we be available to meet her the next afternoon? We were. Well, we weren't really. We were working on a catered volunteer banquet for 700 volunteers that night. But, somehow, we finished everything in time to make it to the meeting - in jeans and not looking our very best.
We were sitting at the restaurant when in walks this tall, beautiful blonde girl with green eyes. Great. I figured she was not going to place her Aryan baby with brown-skinned me! We talked and had a good time getting to know her. At first, she was shy, but talking about our life book helped us find common interests. She was a very articulate, personable girl.
Based on the physical characteristics of the birth mother and what we knew of the birth father, we figured this baby would be blonde with green eyes and not be brown skinned. The funny thing is, I told Jason, the baby would fit more in my family than in his, with my mother's green eyes and very fair skin, and my brother's biological daughter's blonde hair and blue eyes. J has dark haired people in his family.
I told J it was fine by me if the baby was white, because I had wanted a white baby and that was why I married him. He told me would be disappointed if the baby was white, because he wanted a brown baby and that was why he married me. Maybe we should have discussed our expectations before marrying...
Financially, we were not in a good position to become parents. In addition to his full-time job, J had been working part-time for a company that was encountering financial hardship. All the staff were laid off, including J. This meant 1/3 of our income was gone. We could do it, we thought, but we needed some time to save up for all the baby stuff.
That night, at the volunteer banquet, we were all abuzz talking about the adoption meeting experience. We told our family and friends we did not think that was our baby. That the timing was not right. We didn't have the full funds just yet. The room wasn't ready.
The baby was due in 3 weeks, we wanted to wait 6 months to a year for a baby. I had heard stories of women sitting in the nursery, rocking, waiting for their baby. I wanted that. I wanted to rock and wait. Our nursery was an office at the time. It was only a few months into the adoption process. People usually wait for years for a baby, don't they? We weren't desperate yet. We could wait up to a year.
On Sunday, at church, OJ, our dear friend and former music minister - and the minister who married us, gave me a message for J. OJ said God had told him to tell J, "Don't pass up a blessing because it does not meet your criteria." I mentioned it to J at lunch. Okay OJ.
When we pulled up in our driveway, I got a call from the birth mom we had met. She said she had a question to ask me. Okay. I figured she wanted to know where I went to school or something like that. "Will you be my baby's mom?" she asked.
Whoa!! Wasn't there some sort of protocol? Shouldn't the agency director ask us? Our answer was no! Thankfully my filter worked that time. I managed to tell her we were flattered and we just needed to pray about it some more. Thank God for prayer!! What else do you tell someone when you want to stall for time - ? I gotta pray.
I called the agency director who was thrilled and said she had told the girl to call us. I told her our answer was "No". She said no one had ever said no before. Urgh! Desperate people! We weren't desperate yet. I told her we would talk and pray about it and get back to her.
Then we freaked out!!!! We couldn't pray. We were too wooooooooooo in our heads to pray. So we called everyone we could get a hold of to pray. We even left voice messages for them to pray for us. That is when OJ's comments came back to mind. Our criteria were all about money for me and J wanted a brown baby.
Why did OJ have to give us that message!! Then, sitting at our kitchen table, J held out his hand to me and said, 'Will you jump with me?' I said 'Yes' and walked over to him. J stood up, we held hands, and jumped over a grout line in our ceramic tile. Then we called the birth mother and the agency director. We were having a baby!!!