Saturday, August 16, 2008

It was an honor to be considered

On Thursday, I got a call from ML. I had no idea why ML would be calling, but it was nice to hear her voice again. Our paths had crossed a few times, and then we served together on the Oklahoma Adoption Coalition for a couple of years. I resigned from the Coalition last year, so I knew it couldn't be that.
Here is a synopsis of how the call went down:

"This is Widney Woman." I said as I normally answer my cell phone.

"Hi Widney Woman. It's ML."

"Hi ML!!" No thoughts in my head on why ML could possibly be calling me.

"CJ gave me your new number. Where are you guys living now?"

"CHICAGO! We moved here in April."

"I got a phone call from TT."

"You did?! That's great! She dropped off the radar a few months ago. How is she doing?" I said, so excited to know this call meant TT was back in our lives.

"TT is pregnant. She asked me to call you to see if you and J would be interesting in adopting this baby. It's a little girl due in October."

"Oh.  ?" I said, it finally registered why ML was calling. 

And thus began my emotional Thursday afternoon. I had to call my friend Michy Mee, to help me keep perspective. Michy Mee did a great job - as I knew she would. Thanks, Michy Mee!

Reasons to adopt this baby:
1. It is Mini Me's half-sister.

2. The baby is going to be beautiful!!! Part Costa Rican, part American Indian, part African American, part White. Wowzers!

3. What if TT decides to parent this child and not place her with another family? What will happen to this innocent child's life? What kind of life will she lead without us?

4. What would we tell Mini Me when she is older and finds out we could have parented her half-sister all this time, saving her from a potentially hard life, but we said 'no'. 

5. The girls could share a room and toys.

6. Part of both of us kinda want this baby.

7. The belief in some Christian circles that if God brings the child to us, He will provide the funds to care for the child.

Reasons to NOT adopt this baby:
1. I didn't think to list any of these above: "Because we feel this is our baby" or "Because we feel called to adopt this baby".

2. Just because a birthmother gets pregnant, doesn't mean it is our responsibility to parent her subsequent child(ren). Saying 'yes' to one, does not mean we must say 'yes' to all.

3. We cannot parent every one of our children's birthparents' children. Otherwise, we would be about to have our 5th child under the age of 5 (5, 2, 2, 1, newborn).

4. We can comfortably care for 2. It is our financial responsibility to care for our children - not the state, and not our family.

5. I am approaching 40 and never wanted to have children older in life because of how I felt growing up, having older parents. 

6. In 2007, we decided we didn't want ANYMORE children so J had a vasectomy to remove even the most remote possibility of that ever accidently happening.

7. We are looking to downsize our vehicle to a itty bitty city sized car. A new baby would require a BIGGER vehicle than we have now.

8. I am going to homeschool Motor Mouth and will have to figure out something to do with Mini Me. I am not equipped mentally to care for a newborn, a preschooler, AND do homeschool.

9. I may be a stay@home mom, but that means less income and more sacrifices as it stands.

10. I am excited about Mini Me being potty-trained to save money and not have to mess with diapers. The thought of 2 1/2 more years of diapers makes me cringe.

11. It's one thing to navigate buses and El trains and city life with 2 kids, 3 just makes is miserable.

12. The kids sleep through the night. The thought of sleepless nights makes me want to cry!

13. It is going to cost approximately $15,000. This is cold, but honestly, If we had that kind of money, I'd rather spend that kind of money on a house...Or on my big ass ring J is supposed to buy me for our 10th anniversary. I TOLD you it was cold. But honestly, that is how I feel. 

14. In addition to the $15K, we need to spend more $$ on all new baby gear 'cause I donated, sold, gave, or tossed ALL of the baby gear we had. And, we just dropped a chunk of change on Mini Me's new stroller and we'd need to drop twice as much on a stroller to handle a newborn and Mini Me.

15. We don't want another child.

So I called ML back and told her the answer is no. She gave me TT's new number. ML broke the news to her. The following day, I called TT. I didn't go in to detail with TT on why our answer was no. We visited and caught up. It was nice to talk to her again. She's so wonderful. We love TT and she loves us.


Michelle said...

That's what BFF's are for! :-)

Norma-ann at The Mommy Project said...

Wow. That is a _LOT_ to deal with out of the clear blue sky like that. It must be extremely difficult to come up with an answer based on the actually reality of your life vs. the emotional pull on your heart. I admire how you are handling it. Best of luck to everyone involved.

Amanda Donaho Photography said...

Holy moly, girl! What a crazy amount of things to process at once!

Shan said...

Goodness. That is a lot to deal with all at once. I'm not sure I would have handled it as well.