Father's Day 2011

Yeah, I know, this is a week late. However, we actually celebrated Father's Day with our kids 3 weeks ago because we knew they would be out of state on the real day. And they celebrated Father's Day in Mini Me's class 3 weeks and 2 days ago. So, you see, dates mean nothing to us.

The kids in Mini Me's class were told they could dress like their Daddy for the day. Mini Me was disappointed when J did not put on one of my dresses and go to school with her. For real.

Mini Me and J - Twins!

This is what they did in the classroom instead of doing her "works" like they were supposed to.  

The Kids Are Alright

Through a series of events, our children will be spending the summer in Tulsa. Here is a glimpse based on text messages to me from J's mom:

June 12
Mini Me started crying last night and said she wanted her mommy. We told her maybe we could find a bus in the morning and send her back. She wanted to know who would be with her. We said she could go by herself. She went into "Miss Instructor" mode, informing us that children can't travel by themselves. They have to have an adult. She still missed her mommy and her mommy sings lullabies to her. We sang "You are my sunshine" while Grandpa pulled on her legs. She was his sunshine. That made her giggle. Then we sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and with that her head rolled back and just like that she was out.

They did swim vigorously for about an hour and a half. Grandpa had to carry her upstairs. We had been singing and rocking in the rocking chair. The girls are still asleep. Boys have been up for awhile. Planning our day. It is rainy here. [Branson, MO]

[pic of Grandparents and 4 grandkids in a water ride at Sliver Dollar City]

American Plunge. First time. Second time Grandpa Fly Guy chicken out and videotaped us. Third water ride today. We are soaked!!!

June 13
Just got home and the van is completely unloaded. Kids are fine. They've all been running from room to room, getting reacquainted with the house.

June 15
Have been closed in with 5 little ones, watching "Night at the Museum."

[Later that night]
We've been at the farm. On our way home now. They've been on the trampoline, riding the 4-wheeler (slowly) and playing with the puppy and kitten. They are worn out.

June 17
Motor Mouth and I were talking about an hour ago about his reading and looking for his books. I'm sure they are here....Packing to go to the farm for the next 2 nights.

There are several bird nests here at the house and I taped a hand mirror to a broomstick so we could see in the nests. One was empty. On had an egg and one has 5 baby birds. Very little, eyes not open yet. Motor Mouth thought they were so cute and funny. We could hear their parents making angry noises.

Grandpa Grandpa gave Motor Mouth a fishing pole for his birthday. Grandpa and Jazz had bought some bait and went over to Grandpa Grandpa's pond. They caught several fish and when they moved an old boat to see if it worked, there was a water moccasin under it. Grandpa killed it. Motor Mouth thinks they are going to stay up and fish all night. He has his heart set on catching a great big catfish. That would make his summer for sure. I told him we needed to get him a summer journal so he could keep track of all he will have done. With spaces for drawings and pictures that we print.

Found 2 books. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Star Wars Jedi Quest.

June 22
All kids are watching "Astro Boy." We have yours, 2 of Faith Chick's, and Cousin M.

Mini Me had a bloody nose last night. Really bloody and drippy. She and Grandpa were tossing her boot and it hit her nose. She's okay. I think Grandpa was pretty shook up.

June 25
We are on the way home from Cousin K's [cattle farm in western Oklahoma].

Kids all fished at Cousin K's friends' pond. Cousin M caught 4 perch. The pond is overstocked with them so he catches and throws them away up on the bank. Mini Me sees this. Hikes up the bank. Brings it back to the edge and chunks it in. Then she had to wash her hands in the water.

A little bit later, she brought a grasshopper to Cousin K. She told him "I caught it all by myself." Little pause. "And I squashed it all by myself!" I thought Cousin K and I were going to fall off our bench - after she walked away!

The kids are alright.

Misconceptions

Our building is unique in that all but three units have patios attached by walkways outside. The parking garage is open to the main floor patios. Countless times when going to/from our car, we have heard one neighbor BLASTING loud music.

What has been most disturbing about the extreme loud music is that it is played late at night, next door to a family with a now preschooler and a newborn baby. We often marveled at the audacity of the insensitive single woman who would play such offensively loud music, irregardless of her neighbors.

Last night, in conversations with one of the HOA board members, we learned the truth about the music. Turns out, the "insensitive" woman is actually masking the sounds of her next door neighbor beating the crap out of his wife while the kid screams and cries.

I can attest to having seen Chicago Police at that unit and in our building on more than one occasion. I thought maybe he was a gang member or they were calling about the loud music. I will tell you that if the beatings are the impetus for the loud music, the husband beats her often. Extra sad because she just gave birth to a new baby and I know the music was blasting many times during her pregnancy.

There are many details we don't know for sure but it is a good reminder that appearances may not be accurate and you never really know what is going on with the people you pass.

Widney Woman Update - June 2011

Here is what I've been doing these days...

 Family portrait

 Pedicure

 Visiting a sick friend in quarantine

Reading to my kids

 Watching my garden grow

Loving Chicago

Family Friday Nights

 Self-Portraits...

Moral Police

I'm getting sick and tired of everyone playing moral police on other people's sex lives. What someone does sexually does NOT determine if they are good at what they do in their career. Case in point: Tiger Woods. The guy was bedding half the continental United States and winning - truly winning, unlike Charlie Sheen...

Seriously though, do you want to be judged at work by the way you drive your car, how you raise your kids, how clean you keep your home? If you are a reckless driver, you must be a reckless employee who makes poor, hasty, and/or not well thought out decisions. If you spank your kids and your boss does not, you should be fired! Oh, and isn't your level of cleanliness a sign of your mental state? Tell me, do you want to be fired for what kinky things you do in (or out of) the bedroom? Keep in mind inter-racial marriage was illegal in many states less than 40 years ago. So was oral sex.

My point is, people say that a political figure's sex life influences his/her job. I disagree. If you are a minister that has sworn to uphold certain moral standards set by your religious affiliation, then yes, you should be judged on your sex life. But I don't see how a politician, actor, athlete, or business leader's sex life has any bearing on their job. I don't see why they should lose their job for it.

That's all I want to say about that. That's not all I have to say, but that is all I'm saying right now.

Harold and the Purple Crayon

Have you ever read this book? Did you read it as a child? 

Was it read to you? Have you read it to your child? 

I LOVE Harold. I LOVE this book. 

I remember Harold and his creativity. What an imaginative boy. Harold taught me that it is okay to draw outside the lines and to create your own story. As I've gotten older, I have forgotten the lessons of this book. Far too often, I have allowed family, friends, society, employers' standards to overshadow my own personal desires. 

Yesterday, I purchased Harold and the Purple Crayon as much for my children as for me. I'm going to leave this book on the coffee table as a reminder to me that I need to create my own life. I can't allow what others will think of me dictate my life choices. 

Right now, I'm at a crossroads in my life. I'm at a stage where I need to make some tough decisions. 

Maybe I will purchase a purple crayon...

I Am LOVED!!!

This afternoon, my sister got a phone call from me in which there were muffled noises including screams and wailing.  Concerned for our safety, she wanted to call the police to help us but realized she did not have our address so she drove to my parents' home where my dad and brother were told of the situation. She had hoped to get the address from my mother. She was still listening in to my life.

My phone rang a couple times but I didn't feel like digging it out of my purse. J's phone rang a couple times. It came up 'Unknown Caller' so he didn't answer it. When he checked the voicemail, it was my dad who NEVER calls me or J. So for him to leave a voice message on J's phone. Extreme circumstances.

When my sister called back I was in panic mode. I KNEW something must be wrong with my mother. Why else would my father have called me AND J. And why would my sister be calling now also?!

Turns out, I purse dialed my sister. What she heard was Mini Me freaking out and crying - screaming and wailing. Why? Because I told her to come to my room so I could see what she was wearing. Instead, Mini Me wanted to 'describe' the outfit remotely. Me telling her to come show me brought on a meltdown.

My family loves us!!! How incredibly sweet and kind of them to be so concerned for our safety. As nice as their concern was, I'm not looking forward to the 22 minute cell phone bill for purse dialing Canada.

Tough Questions Kids Ask

What is with our kids asking ALL the tough questions this month????? 

 Tonight, Motor Mouth asked if Santa is real. 

They asked what sex was. 

We told them the truth. 

They asked what gay was. 

We told them the truth.

They asked how to get pregnant. 

We told them the truth.

They asked how the doc can tell if it is a boy or girl.

We told them the truth.

They asked why they don't live with their birth moms.

We told them the truth.

They asked if Santa is real. 

"Yes, Santa is real!!!"

It's NOT The Stork!

J and I had "The Talk" with our kids on Saturday. My plan was to wait until June when school lets out. However, Mini Me just had far too many questions that were being answered one at a time. It was obvious she was ready. It is important to us to be the "sex experts" in our kids' lives. We want to be the resource they go to for answers. We want to be foremost authority - not some kid in their school.

A few weeks ago I asked our local librarian for books to help with the talk. She gave me "It's NOT the Stork!" by Robie H. Harris. To be honest, the book sat on the floor of my bedroom, unopened and unread by me. But when I found myself answering yet another sex question on Saturday morning, I knew I had to crack the book open.

This book is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! Beyond awesome!!!

If you look back a blog entry or two, you will find my growing list of sex talk topics I was going to have to cover. Robie Harris covered ALL of these. Quite well. Thank you Robie!!! 

It was a major relief to be able to have one comprehensive, well-written, age and language appropriate resource. I thought it was going to be weeks of dinner conversations to cover all the topics. Nope. Just a 20-minute book read as a family on our master bed. There were only 3-4 pages I didn't want to go on into for my kids at this time. I paper clipped them so it was easier to skip. 

Afterwards, Mini Me had several follow up questions. Motor Mouth's question was "Can I go play Star Wars now?"

Tough Questions

Mini Me was mad at J about something this morning on the way to school. She told J that she would "just go live with (her) birth mom."

Mini Me wanted to know why she does not live with her birth mom and why her sisters live with TT. J explained that TT's daughters do not live with her. That wasn't enough. Our girl had to know why. J explained that TT can't take care of kids. J was honest and told her TT made some bad choices, did the bad kind of drugs, couldn't take care of her girls, and that she had been to jail. She seemed satisfied with the answers.

I've asked TT to talk to Mini Me directly and answer those questions personally this weekend. Gotta love open adoption!

How Do You Get Pregnant?

J and I were in the kitchen while J was prepping for dinner. J had just asked me to cut the veggies when Mini Me cut in to our conversation to ask: "How do you get pregnant?" Fortunately me for me, we have this little rule where the children must ask to interrupt J and I or adults talking. I ignored her and said I was going to go wash my hands in my bathroom. 

What the Hell???? Mini Me seems obsessed with sex these days. (Read my blogs over the last month or so). 

First she is telling me the definition of sex (when a mommy and daddy kiss laying down in their bedroom). Then she is telling me my drink (POM Wonderful) looks like "love potion." 

Next she tells us Motor Mouth Googled "sex." 

Last week Mini Me told me the definition of gay (when two girls get married. Like when your Barbies kiss. Or two boys get married). I did not tell you she said she would like to have two girls when she grows up - and she did not mean two daughters!  

The other day, Motor Mouth asked what "S&M" means (Rihanna's song was on the radio). J told him "snacks & meals" which Motor Mouth was happy to learn of. I froze. I had no answer. Of course, I was busy singing along that "whips and chains excite me" when he asked...

This week, Mini Me told me her and a boy in her class (a really cute one) decided they would get married but he broke his promise and decided to marry another boy so they could be gay (it's always the cute ones...) to which I told her even the best of us ladies have that happen to us. 

Also this week, Motor Mouth asked how the doctor can tell if it is a girl or boy when the baby is born. ("If it is a boy it has a penis. If it is a girl it has a vagina," I said. To which he said, "Oh yeah, that's right! I forgot. That's ALL I want to know, Mom.") 

This is punishment. I know it is. I am being punished for everything I put my parents through and then some. Granted, I wanted to be a stripper when I was six years old, but I have siblings who are seven or eight years older than me. Mini Me is leaps and bounds beyond her eight year old brother in questions she is asking. Why couldn't I have had two boys? Three even. I used to want three boys. Sigh.

So, I washed my hands. For as long as humanly possible. I stalled by Facebooking and tweeting. Finally, I went back into the kitchen. While chopping an onion, I looked at Mini Me and, in my most casual voice, said "You get pregnant when you have sex. Any other questions?" Mercifully, she went back to pretending to be able to read a book.

I was planning on giving the kids "The Talk" in June so that we could be the experts they receive their sex information from first. June so that they would not go to school and tell their unsuspecting and innocent friends (though I'm not so sure any of Mini Me's school friends are so innocent anymore). My list of discussion topics grows.

Ever Growing List of Topics for "The Talk"

- kissing

- marriage

- sex (intercourse)

- Internet porn (as in, don't Google, you might see more than you are ready for)

- homosexuality

- pregnancy

- child birth

- infertility (sometimes mommies or daddies are broken - lots of adoption q's these days)

- touching (bad touch has been discussed but will be reviewed)

- I think I can skip S&M for now but thanks, Rihanna!

- not telling other kids because their parents want to tell their kids when they are ready so keep this to yourselves!!

Clearly, this is a series of conversations that could take all summer. I'm seriously thinking about shipping the kids to grandma and grandpa after school ends so we can delay this...

If you have some good book out there, website, advice on how to do this, funny/crazy/horror/good stories on how you shared this info or received it, or just want to tell me this to shall end, please comment. Rather, HELP!!!

Gay Marriage

Mini Me told us a sad little story from her class. Mini Me is five years old.

Mini Me: "Boy A in my class said he and I are going to get married when we grow up. But then Boy A broke his promise and change his mind. Boy A and Boy B say they gonna get married. They want to be gay."

Me: "Sorry, Baby, that happens to the best of us sometimes."

Wordless Wednesday - Potheads

Self Portraits - April/May 2011

 For those who I know are just clamoring for new self-portraits of me, here you go!

You are most welcome. 

I know, I'm a mess.

Knowing Me Knowing You - May '11

knowing me, knowing you - may 2011

Okay so it's time once again for that monthly interview project... knowing me, knowing you, created by my friend over at "The Fairy Blogmother."

1. What was your wedding song?

We eloped so there was no music until J dubbed it in afterwards for the video. 

When I walked down the aisle he played "Ava Maria" because that's my middle name. 

And then he dubbed in "For The First Time" by Kenny Loggins. It is about 2 people that knew each other as friends and then fell in love and so it's like the first time they are seeing each other or something like that.

2. If you could guest star on any TV show which one would you pick?
Law and Order: SVU. I'd play some crazy person. Oh wait, that wouldn't be acting.

3. What is your favorite children's book?I loved Cinderella when I was a kid. Now, I love reading "Alice the Fairy" to my kids. I put on this crazy voice and it is something to behold.

4. Did you watch the Royal Wedding?
I watched Charles and Diana's royal wedding. Does that count?

5. What is your favorite thing to have off the barbecue?Pineapple. Fresh pineapple that has been grilled is the stuff orgasms are made of. 

Okay, so head over to Fairy Blogmother and see what she posted. I would link there but my linky thingy is not working and I need to take my contacts out and go to bed. 

S.E.X. For Kids

A little over a month ago, Mini Me and Motor Mouth told me they know what s.e.x. is. They were pretty aligned that it is when a mommy and daddy kiss laying down in their bedroom. 

About a month ago, Mini Me found this in the fridge and asked if it was "love potion."

Then about a week ago, Mini Me told us that Motor Mouth had Googled s.e.x. Unfortunately, J had taken the parental controls off their computer so they were free to view p.o.r.n. J locked down the computer uber tight once again. 

I googled s.e.x. If they did an image search, we are okay. It backs up the aforementioned definition. HOWEVER, if they clicked on either of the two video links on a regular search, we are in TROUBLE!

Yesterday, Motor Mouth asked me how the doctor can tell if the baby is a boy or girl when it comes out. I said, "If it's a boy, it has a penis. If it is a girl, it has a vagina." Motor Mouth said, "Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay, Mom, that's ALL I want to know."

Today, J did a detailed search of the browsing history on their computer. It seems auto correct can be a beautiful thing. They did a Bing search on s.e.x. and came back with "s.e.x. offenders" and "s.e.x. during pregnancy." Hahaha! Whew! We dodged a bullet on that one. 

Mother's Day 2011

 Photo: After visiting the Field Museum, Mini Me and Motor Mouth picking dandelions for my Mother's Day "bouquet" on Museum Campus 

This morning, I called my mother, in Canada, to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. It was the least I could do. Dang it! I forgot to ask my sister to write my name on the card she bought our mother. She's a much better daughter. 

Next, I texted my children's birth moms to wish them a Happy Mom's Day, tell them how much I dearly love them and I thanked them for being my heroes and making me a mom. Without KK and TT, there is no way I would be celebrating my eighth Mother's Day today. These brave, strong, selfless women chose the tougher path to live apart from their children and chose me to parent their children. I never forget that KK and TT were moms first so that I could be a mom. 

Both kids called their birth moms to wish them a Happy Mother's Day and to say "I love you." I only wish I had taken a pic of the smiles on my kids' faces!

Little Known Widney Woman Fact:

Mother's Day is extra special for me as Motor Mouth was dedicated at church on my very first Mother's Day in 2003. Three years later, in 2006, Mini Me was dedicated at church on Mother's Day (wearing a dedication gown J designed and had made out of my wedding gown!

Dreams Come True

I am extremely happy for my dear friend MAM. On Wednesday, her dream came true. My very first introduction to MAM was on an article/post she wrote for Chicago Moms Blog. In the post, she talked about her dream to buy a home in Oak Park and live there for the rest of her life. It took almost 2 years from the time they moved out of their Chicago condo and the house renovation was complete enough to move in, but they did it! Mission accomplished. My friend's dream has come true and I could not be happier for her!!! Take a peek here.

Gay Birds and Bees

Last night we went for a walk through the grounds of Buckingham Fountain. Lovely walk. On the way to the car, out-of-the-blue, Mini Me says, "I know what 'gay' means." To which I said, "Really? What does 'gay' mean?"

"Gay is when a girl marries a girl," said Mini Me.

Pretty spot on for a FIVE-year old!!!

Mini Me went on to say that "gay" is when your Barbie dolls kiss and when a boy marries a boy.

Motor Mouth seems to be a bit of a homophobe. He was appalled at the definition of "gay."

We explained to the children that some people are born gay and that it is normal. That we love and respect gay people. We shared the names of people we, as a family, love that are gay. It helped the children to see that it doesn't matter if someone is gay - we love them.

I was thinking we would have the heterosexual birds and bees conversation in June, after school lets out. Now, that conversation for our 5 and 8 year olds will be more encompassing and a bit more detailed than I had initially thought.

Bad Day

I had a really bad day today. Really bad. I was too upset about events, which have affected our family that we had no control over nor a hand in, that hit the fan today. Add to that my husband being out of town for 8/10 days, it being the anniversary of a car accident that put me in rehab for almost two years, a crazy "situation," and some pre-menstrual stuff going on.

At one point today, I realized I simply could not hold it together any longer and left my office. I wanted to drive out to the lakeshore and let the waters of Lake Michigan calm me. I wanted to drive down Michigan Avenue and let the tulips remind me of my childhood when my mom grew the most beautiful tulips in her garden. I wanted to drive to the top of a parking garage and take in the incredible skyline of my beloved city.

Instead, I went home, crawled into bed, and proceeded to cry. In the midst of my cry fest, I texted a few of my closest, most positive friends and asked them to "tell me it was all going to alright." They did. One friend called me and he made me laugh so hard, I almost wet myself. My boss texted me and gave me encouragement.

To pull myself out of the mire, I made a list of the positive things. Then I emailed it to myself and to J. I tidied my home and when I was 30 minutes cry free, I freshened up my makeup and went back to work.

Nothing has been resolved but I am doing my best to focus on the good.