Saturday, July 10, 2010

Baby Hole

I picked my 4 year old daughter up from day camp. We barely made it a block when Mini Me shared that a girl in her camp group "has a baby in her tummy and it's going to come out of her 'baby hole.'"

'baby hole'
Never, in my 40 years have I heard the crude term 'baby hole.' 

"Does your camp counselor have a baby in her tummy?" I asked.

"No. My friend is 5 years old. The baby is gonna come out of her baby hole." Again with the baby hole.

"Sweetie, 5 year olds can't have a baby in their tummy. Does her mommy have a baby in her tummy?"

"Nooooooo!! A baby is going to come out of her BABY HOLE!!!!"

"How old are you, Mini Me?" I asked.

"Five," she replied.

"Can you have a baby right now?" I inquired.


"Can YOU have a baby next year?"


"Okay, so your 5-year old friend can't have a baby either, Sweetie," I reasoned, praying the topic would change. And it did. Sort of. 

"How old can you be when a baby comes out your baby hole, Mommy?"

"20." Look, she's been fascinated with child birth since she accidentally saw a delivery on TV a few months back. If I tell her 12, that could be her goal.

"Can you have a baby out of your baby hole at 100???"

"No, Silly, you can't."

"Yes, you can!" she insisted.

"Mini Me, ladies who are 100 are too old to have babies."

"YES!!!!!!! You CAN have a baby out of your baby hole at 100!!!!!!"

"Don't yell at me. No, 100 year old women cannot have babies."

"Why not, Mom? Why can't 100 year olds have a baby out of their baby hole?" my 7-yr old son asked.

At about this point I want to shake the kid who told my daughter about baby holes.

"100-year old women are too old to have babies."

"But WHY, Mom?" he wouldn't give up.

"Because by then, their baby hole has dried up." I was really done with this baby hole business.

"Mommy? Did you have a baby out of your baby hole?" Mini Me asked.

"No. Mommy does not use her baby hole, do you, Mom?" Motor Mouth answered.

"Ahhh...Ahhh..." I was not sure how to answer.

"Mommy doesn't use her baby hole, Mini Me. KK and TT had babies out of their baby holes and that is how come Mommy has you and me. Right, Mom?" 

"Yeah, Motor Mouth, that's pretty much how it happened."
I wonder if a c-section counts as a 'baby hole'.


Threeundertwo said...

I'd be wanting to strangle the person who introduced that particular bit of vocabulary.

Heather Kay said...

I am a combination of cracking up & appalled for you.