39 But Not Holding

It's true. I'm 39 years old. Keyword is 'old'. 

What exactly does it mean to be 39?

People always ask you how it feels to be 'x' age. Not sure why, 'cause they know darn well it feels the same at any age. It's just another day. Another 'X' or '/' on the calendar, if you still use paper calendars - really, now THAT is old, using paper calendars when the online ones are so much more efficient. I digress. I feel the same today as I did when I was 10 or 15 or 22, even 32 or 36. 

Often, people are shocked when I tell them my age. I rather enjoy hearing I look 28 or 32. It's a pride thing, I'm sure, but who doesn't like to be told they 'look good for their age'? The last couple of years have been hard on my looks. I have some lines UNDER my eyes, not so much at the sides (crow's feet). I think it's the crows feet that age you. For some reason, my skin is breaking out more these days, than when I was in high school!! The moles are appearing faster than ever and people don't seem to tell me I have great skin anymore. Hmmm...That saddens me the most. 

I have 1 gray hair that I can see. It is in the very front of my head. J often points out the grays in the back of my head that I can't see. If he can see them, others can too. To me, if I can't see the gray, I don't have any back there. I don't have a problem letting the gray hair come in. It's a natural part of the aging process.

The biggest change I've noticed is my ability to withstand fools. I've lost it. I can't stomach fools. That probably means I'm the biggest fool, but I find myself being pretty honest about the people I do or don't want to hang out with. I'm too old to suffer fools, I think. I don't have to like you. And you don't have to like me. And life for both of us goes on. Imagine that.

The other big change is my honesty level. If I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do. It has taken me almost 40 years to realize that, truly, I don't have to do things other people want me to do. Refreshing. Wish I had this gumption 20 years ago.

To be honest, and you know I will be, because I'm too old to give a damn what you think, but well, I am looking forward to 50. Not just because my kids will be old enough to fend for themselves, but because Oprah and her croonies say life gets better at 50. They were right about the freedom you find at 40, so they must be right about 50. I'm looking forward to living my best life yet, the older I get.