Monday, September 1, 2008

I Almost Killed My Husband!!

Church outside after hours clinic - Saturday

J got strep throat while on a crammed bus last Tuesday. He felt like crap all week. On Saturday morning, I told him he needed to go to an after hours clinic to get antibiotics. After he did the first wedding in our new church building, I drove him.
Diagnosis confirmed. Antibiotics and codene prescribed.
J went back to bed.

Now, I must say, I tried to maintain a great attitude. J kept asking me to keep the kids quiet. Friday through Monday morning, I shushed the kids and tried to get them to stay quiet so J could rest. All he did was sleep and moan. He was in a lot of pain. I don't think I won mother of the year, or wife of the year this weekend.

By this morning, I was stressed to the max. I wanted to kill J. Little did I know how close I was to actually ending his life.

J said he wanted to go back to the after hours clinic. It already cost us $70 on Saturday because they couldn't reach our insurance company to confirm coverage. I told him he didn't give the meds enough time to take effect and that he wasn't hydrating enough. I was pissed, but took him to the after hours clinic.

Church outside after hours clinic - Monday

To my great surprise and...sheer enjoyment...J came out with a HOT doctor in tow. The HOT doc, Dr C, was kind enough to explain J's condition to me. Basically, if we didn't take J to the ER, he could be dead tomorrow. Man, was he hot! Afterwards, I turned to J and said, 'He's hot'.

I had to drop J off at the ER because I couldn't take the kids in and I didn't have anyone to watch them. After texting and calling every Chicago person whose number is in my phone, I was on my way to drop the kids at Hippy Boy and Hippy Girl's. Apple Boy actually arranged it as I didn't have Hippy Boy's number in my phone. Now I do.
Thanks Hippy Boy and Hippy Girl! You rock.
It seems I took J to the University of Illinois at Chicago hospital. I thought I had dropped him off at Rush Hospital. That explains why my iPhone kept telling me to go 'the wrong way' when I tried to google directions to Rush. Ha ha! iPhone is only as good as the idiot using it!
J had strep throat which progressed in to peritonsillar abscess. He couldn't open his mouth bigger than the above photo. J's lower face and neck were so swollen, his bottom jaw was protruding so his bottom teeth stuck out past his upper teeth and you couldn't understand him. For my Okies - he sounded like a hick with a huge wad of chewing tobacco in his mouth.
Doogie Howser, MD
ER Resident....28 years old
Dr. Lowery
a.k.a. Doogie Howser's Younger Brother
Oral Surgeon Resident...Age 26
(I could be his mother!)
That is NOT hair on his chin - it's a shadow!
Doogie Houser said J would get knocked out.
Nope! Localized. J was PISSED.
Not as pissed as when J gave me the sign for 'shut up'
when I tried to set up his surgeon with the
Pharmacy Tech from Dominick's!
See that bed pan? The doc gave that one to J.
I asked for one as well. They asked if I was getting woozy.
I tilted my head and looked down in response.

It's for Widney Wednesday!! Hahahahaha
I busted out laughing a few minutes later. J was so PISSED.
If the doctor didn't have a knife in his throat, J would have had me kicked out for sure.
Almost 100 cc's! Wooooohooooo!!
The doc and I almost did a high 5!
Big, black, male nurse feeding J applesauce.
What? You HAD to know that was a bloggable moment
Okay. I am not a thief. I don't steal things. Never have. I REALLY wanted to take the scalpel the doc used. But J said absolutely not.

I am HAPPY - THRILLED - ECSTATIC - to report J is feeling 1,000 times better. Maybe tomorrow I can touch him - just his hand at first - for the first time in over a week. I've missed him.


Jim said...

CRAZY! Glad he's OK. We had our fill of hospitals this week. -Jim

Amanda Donaho Photography said...

Goodness, poor guy! That sounds miserable! Glad to hear he's done with the scalpels down his throat!

Norma-ann at The Mommy Project said...

Poor, poor, guy.

Felicity said...

I've done something similar to Dan - called him a big baby, it's probably just allergies, and then find out he has a raging sinus infection or something. It is good to be humbled occasionally!

FaithChick said...

YOU ARE HELARIOUS!!!I love to piss Tim off. Their mad faces are so cute. Does that make us mean? Nah.

Anonymous said...

You are totally hilarious!!! Simone, you have really came alive in the big windy city. Glad Jason is better.

Anonymous #2

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Glad Jason is better!

Lori said...

I totally think you should have swiped the scalpel!! It would be a momento that you 2 could have treasured for years to come. :)