When we came for our interview weekend, J and I agreed we would not say a word about adoption to anyone. But it just made us weird. There were gaps and awkward pauses as we tried to not talk about this part of lives but were at a loss for words to replace the details. In a matter of hours we were telling Tall Joe and Songbird our story.
In the last few months, J and I have argued about it several times. Sometimes pretty heated disagreements. J just didn't get why I didn't want to share the truth of our lives. It's not that I didn't want to share it. I just want to be seen and treated like a regular mother. In Tulsa, it just felt like there was always this thing. This difference. I actually had people make comments to the effect I was not a real mother.
I just wanted to live like I was just a mom. Like all the other mothers who wanted to be a mom and went through a time of waiting and anticipation while they prepared for their newborn. Like all the other mothers who were in the labor and delivery room, anxious for a healthy baby to be born. Like all the other mothers who held their baby for the first time in a hospital room and were complete and scared at the same time. Like all the other mothers who left the hospital with a new life that represented an answer to many prayers and hope for the future.
See. I'm not so different from all the other mothers out there, am I?