9 Days to 15 Years

Tradition

It is a tradition in my mother's family to write a letter to the girl's parents, asking for her hand in marriage. We still have the letter my grandfather wrote for my grandmother's hand in marriage. My dad wrote for my mom.

J wrote a letter, asking for my hand in marriage. He wrote it by himself. It was honest and eloquent. In true J fashion, he picked out the perfect stationary. When the letter was complete, he FedEx'd it to my parents in Canada.

My parents were very happy to receive the letter. They wrote a letter back and we were free to plan our wedding!

10 Days to 15 Years

Wedding Planning FAIL!!!


We were planning our wedding while driving around Texas, providing ground support for Js dad's helicopter crew. J's 17-year old sister was with us and went into a store while we waited in the vehicle.

As you know, J is an event and production force. We were ARGUING about some outrageous thing he wanted to incorporate (maybe building a gazebo by the pond or the rental of the grand piano that was to accompany the opera singers - and of course, he wanted a 12-ft grand...??!!). All we both remember is me yelling: "FINE!!! Do whatever the hell you want to! You're going to do it anyway!!!" - just as his innocent little sister got back in.

There was complete silence for the next hour. That is, until J got a SPEEDING TICKET!!!
(Anyone know the statute of limitations on an unpaid traffic ticket in Texas...?)

11 Days to 15 Years

Most Memorable...


One anniversary, J told me he had to stop by the chapel before we head to dinner b/c he had to finish set up for an event and could I help him. I often help so I didn't think twice. We get to the Grace Church Chapel and we walk in....

There is a light shining down on the most beautiful bouquet of red roses. (Still not clued in.) J says the flowers are for me. He proceeds to give me a box of Kleenex and says I'll need it. (So confused.)

All of a sudden, a movie starts playing on this huge screen with a montage of our lives together and with Motor Mouth. It was like being in a movie theatre with us as the feature film! I BAWLED!!!

12 Days to 15 Years

Divorce!!!

About 3 years ago, J and I were done!!! We were dividing up kids, dishes, and furniture. 

At one point, we looked at each other and said: "I'm so angry with you but I love you and you are my best friend and I can't imagine living without you."

13 Days to 15 Years

Separate Vacations!

On our third wedding anniversary we had just closed on our house. J and I were working at the same church. Our offices were just 15 ft from each other. We drove to and from work together, had lunch together, dinner together, socialized together - you get the idea. We were together a LOT! 

So….to surprise J, I arranged for him to travel to Missouri, where he went to Bible College and where a whole community of people that he loved were still living there. It gave me a chance to tackle some decorating tasks on our new home! We were both very happy and excited. But the people in Missouri thought that J and I were having marriage problems. LoL! Sigh. Nope. Just one of the most thoughtful gifts I could give him – friends and a less for him to decorate when he got back home.

14 Days to 15 Years

Never Say Never!!!

J has a business trip coming up in Florida – on our 15^th wedding anniversary!!! We decided to tack a family vacation on to the end of his trip. 

I said: “Oh look, we’ll be on a beach in Florida on our 15^th wedding anniversary. It’s NOT like we are going to renew our vows or anything.” 

To which J said: “Ohhhhh!!!! That’s PERFECT!” 

To which I said: “But YOU always said that we would NEVER renew our vows. Ever!” 

To which J’s eyes glazed over and the vow renewal planning began.

15 Days to 15 Years

15 Days to Our 15th Wedding Anniversary!

15 yrs ago we were planning our pending nuptials, working on immigration and traipsing through the countryside for J’s dad's company. 2/3 are repeating this year. Actually, 3/3 sort of. We are planning a family vacation to Florida (traipsing sans J’s dad or his company), working on making me a citizen finally, and planning on renewing our wedding vows!

Join me every day for a new installment, leading up to the Big Day!

Playing with iPad

Somehow these positions are more comfortable for iPad usage....

Self-Portrait

Mini Me drew a self-portrait. Ummm...

Quiet Seat Winner!

And the quiet seat prize goes to....Mini Me! For not talking for over 20 minutes in the car (while awake).

This one is STUBBORN!!! If you say it can't be done, she will prove it can be done. That trait will get her very far in life. And in a whole heap of trouble. But I think it's a trait worth nurturing.

God Will Provide

Recently I was told by a Christ follower that "God would provide" for their financial situation. This was said while "blessing" me with services that had been completed and that I had agreed to pay for. In fact, I was chasing this person down to get the money to them because they had not responded to my repeated texts to arrange payment pick up. In fact, I had hired this person because I knew there was a financial need.

Do I believe that God provides basic necessities and opportunities for people? Yes. Do I believe that God blesses people? Yes. Do I think it is our responsibility to act on that provision and those blessings? Absolutely yes.

It drives me crazy that someone in dire financial need would turn down money because "God will provide." God IS TRYING to provide for you by me PAYING YOU for YOUR SERVICES!!!

It reminds me of the story of the person caught in a flood zone. This person is stranded at their house. Water is rising rapidly. An army truck rolls by and they offer a ride. "No, thanks. I'm good. God will provide." A little later the guy is on the roof of his porch. A boat rolls by and they offer a ride. "No, thanks. I'm good. God will provide." The guy is now on his roof. The water is at the roof line. He's got maybe 4 feet before the water hits him. A helicopter flys by they and drop a harness for the guy. "No, thanks. I'm good. God will provide." Guy drowns and gets to Heaven. Says to God: "Father God, Why did you not save me from the raging waters." God shakes his head, rolls his eyes and says: "I tried, you idiot! I sent the Army truck and the boat and the helicopter. You were too foolish and stubborn to accept my help because it did not come in the way you expected it to."

I think we all need to work our butts off to accomplish our goals in life. Sometimes, regardless of how much we work, how much success we have, we might need help. The key is to be open and receptive to the help, even if it's not what we think the help should look like.

BFF in Da House!

I love it when my BFF comes to town!!! So much fun is had.

I Could Be An Alcoholic

I am amazed that I am not an alcoholic. By all rights, I should be. I don't even drink weekly. This little girl makes me want to run screaming to a bottle.

The first pic is my 8-yr old picking up papers that fell at a cafe.

The last pic is of my child DURING her PE class at school. Mini Me forgot to pack her PE shoes (yes, I told her to) so she had to sit out and read. She is IN the black milk crates.....reading.

God help us!

Traffic Deaths in Illinois 2014

221 traffic deaths in Illinois as of May 2, 2014.

I see these numbers increase almost daily. It is very disturbing to me. It represents 221 caskets in 4 short months. It represents 221 families feeling a tremendous loss. 221 lives cut short.

If we "only" had 50 traffic deaths in Illinois each month, that would be 600 deaths by year end. SIX HUNDRED!!! 600 parents without children, 600 children without parents.

Sadly, each year in Illinois we lose approx. 1,000 people due to traffic accidents. People like 26-yr old Laura LaPlante who was one month away from graduating with her law degree from the University of Chicago and then returning to her native Boston. LaPlante had a job at a Boston law firm lined up already. But for a drunk driver going the wrong way. I saw an interview with a family spokesperson. Laura had her act together. She was a planner. Her life was planned out and on target. But for a drunk driver.

In 2013 there were 992 traffic deaths. Up from 956 in 2012. The lowest number of traffic deaths since 1921 occurred in 2009, with 911. With 992 deaths in 2013, that averages to 2.7 people dying each and every day.

Do you know what the number one cause of traffic deaths is? Speed. I'm as guilty of this as the next person. We ALL need to slow it down. Slow and steady gets there. Alive.

Number two? Alcohol. Come on, people, how many times do we have to be told not to drink and drive?????

I don't have proof but distracted driving has to be up there as well. That's texting or Facebooking while driving. Taking pics. Dealing with children, dogs, or other occupants in a vehicle. Eating. Driving is serious business. Pay attention the whole time!!!!!!!!! It's not just about you. It's about the Laura LaPlantes out there that have their entire lives ahead of them. It's about you and me and the people we love and love us.

If I could singlehandedly keep traffic deaths in Illinois to a max 600, I would. I don't want 600 families torn apart. Let's all do our part.

Perfect Imperfect Plan

Yesterday, an amazing thing happened.

We were driving down a busy street (Roosevelt & Canal in Chicago) when J noticed that two women got into a taxi cab and left their Home Depot cart at the street corner. It caught his attention. He was appalled. Then J noticed that the ladies' purse was in the cart.

J pulled over to the curb. I hopped out, grabbed the purse, and got back in our vehicle. J sped off in pursuit of the red taxi!!!

I looked down at what I was holding. It was a brown leather Coach purse with the woman's cell phone sticking out. It was an extremely full purse, bulging, really.

We zipped in and out of traffic on Roosevelt. Just before Clark, we caught up to the taxi! J pulled alongside, honked excessively, and held up the bag. Finally, the woman opened her door and retrieved the bag. She told him she was from out of town. How awesome was that?!!!

REALLY AWESOME
It was really awesome because of what it took for US to be the ones right there at the right time.

Yesterday morning, Motor Mouth had a swim meet in a south suburb that Mini Me and I took him to. J was out of town on a retreat. After the meet, around 11 am, I headed to Roosevelt and Canal to pick up my allergy prescription. Just past my hwy exit, I thought I should get the dog.

We stayed home cleaning longer than planned. Then the kids and I went to lunch. I had planned to grab my meds THEN head to the burbs to pick up J. But J asked me to pick him up early at about 3:30 pm. So I did.

Only we took back streets. J took the uber scenic route. We even went to the wrong Ikea afterwards, and the lines were crazy long.

ALL of these things transpired to bring us to THAT moment to be in THAT spot and for J to notice the purse in the cart.

We often think about ourselves and wonder if we are walking in the path God has designed for us. How often do we wonder if we are in God's plan for someone else....?

My New Man

Our little dog, Wilson, loves to cuddle with me. This is him staring up at me!

Handicapped Swimmers

Motor Mouth presented his social studies fair exhibit on "Handicapped Swimmers." He did great! The kids had to choose a social issue, research it, write a paper on it, create a display board, and then present it. So proud of my boy!!!

Restroom Refuge

I read a blog post about a parent that found out her kindergarten aged son was having problems in school due to a newly diagnosed anxiety disorder. At some point in her story, she was locked in her bathroom with her laptop and wine when her daughter came racing in to tell her that the son was choking to death (under the father's supervision). For clarity, her bathroom has a vanity desk so she's not balancing her laptop on her lap while... And the boy was fine. So fine, he was able to clearly vocalize his fact.

The following comment was made: "I dunno, I'm not a parent, but if you're locking yourself in the bathroom with wine, for any reason, for any length of time, while a member of your family has just nearly choked, I'd say that in lay person's terms your family dynamic is just a bit stuffed. No wonder the kid is anxious."

To which I commented: "Trust me, as a parent, sometimes the only sanity we can get is to lock ourselves in our bathrooms with wine and let our families sort themselves out through natural selection or some other means by which we are able to have just a few moments of rational, adult, non-child, family or partner directed thought."

There are times when I literally lock myself in one of our three bathrooms and, well, hideout from my kids and husband. I'm sure when my kids get older they will laugh and make fun of how long Mom used to sit on the toilet!!! I'll be the first to admit that my legs have gone numb, revived and gone numb again. I have asked the kids: "Do I harass you when you are trying to poop?" Sometimes, I didn't even poop. I was just in the need of a quiet room in which to sit where interruptions were frowned upon. Often with the light off. Usually with my iPhone. It's my only chance at sanity before the kids' bedtime.

So, single people with no children, don't judge us parents. We do the best we can at the moment. Not every parenting moment is a shining star moment but it is what we can manage. Don't judge us for needing to slip away from our children for 10, 20, or 60 minutes. Some days we need a few minutes to recharge and get a fresh perspective. Or at the very least, a better attitude.

(Photo credit: www.beforeitsnews.com)

Blow Dry

I cut my hair cut the other day. I had her blow dry it. Seems I caused quite a stir everywhere I went as most people have not seen me with straight hair in years. Sigh.

How To Be Friends With Your Ex

As soon as couples break up, one of them always says: "Can we still be friends?" And the other person thinks: "Hell no." But says: "Yeah. Sure."

It IS possible to have a long-lasting, mutually enjoyable relationship with your ex. I am happy to say that I have managed to remain friends with almost all of my exes.

One of the main keys to remaining friends with your ex is to:

END THE RELATIONSHIP WELL.

Don't think that you can cuss someone out and tell them all about how horrible they are, show up at their job, call their friends or family, toss their stuff, act all crazy, and then turnaround and be besties next week. Be gracious during a break up, whether you do the breaking or not.

What SHOULD you do after a break up? Here's a few pointers...

1. Calm Your Inner Crazy
That means you don't act crazy and mean and hateful during or after the breakup. Don't rip up or toss their stuff don't withhold their stuff. Dont tear up or burn your pics together. Don't stalk them. Don't stalk their social media. Basically, do NOT go Lifetime movie on them.

2. Go Silent
Give each other time and space. That means that you don't text, email, write letters, or call your ex a bunch of times after the breakup. Stop finding excuses to connect.

3. Grieve
There are five stages of grief:
- denial and isolation
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- anger
I think there is one more stage not included in this list: Forgiveness. You might be going through all stages in one day. Or it could take months. Give yourself and your ex time.

4. Get Busy
Women, this is your time to reconnect with your friends you didn't have time for when you were consumed in love with your man. It's also a great time to take a class or join a gym like you've been wanting to but never had time to.

When women break up, they cry in their Ben & Jerry's for a month. When guys break up, they call their guy friends and are out looking for women the next day! Whether you are crying in your Ben and Jerry's or hooking up with Ben and Jerry or Karen and Kelly, get out there and live your best life!!! And use protection.

5. We Have Children
If you have children together you will be in each other's lives for the rest of your lives. For the best interest of your children, you MUST develop a civil, open, honest relationship with your co-parent. I'm not saying you have to be their friend. I'm saying that you must get to a point where you can talk to your co-parent without yelling, without getting emotional, without jumping right back into old communication patterns. I'm saying that you have to stop referring to your ex by a derogatory name/term with your friends and family. Trust me, your kids are hearing that. Lay the ground work with your new partners immediately - they are not permitted to bash your ex. That's your prerogative only. Also, tell your new partners that your ex is YOUR ex and that because you have a child(ren) with this person, it is important for you to treat your ex with RESPECT and that your new partner should not confuse respect for love or a desire to rekindle anything. Keep ALL communication with your ex about your child(ren). You have nothing to talk about other than your child(ren)'s medical, educational, emotional, educational, spiritual needs. Not the leaky roof, not the car, not your mutual friends, not the past.

WHEN DO WE GET TO THE FRIENDS PART?

In maybe six months or a year or more, touch base and see how they are doing. Regardless of who breaks up with whom, the end of a relationship is a loss. There is a grieving process. One party may have started that process before the relationship officially ended. Either way, time is needed to heal the wounds from that relationship and to MOVE ON. This is not a "how to get my ex back" post. This is how to MOVE ON and start a NEW friendship with a former love.

Respect
You also need to respect that some people do not ever want a friendship with an ex. And be honest. Was your relationship based on sex? If so, there may have never actually been a relationship in the first place. In that case, move on because there wasn't a base of friendship to start.

Motives
Examine your motives for a friendship. Are you trying to get back together? Keep tabs on them? Are you trying to make sure those months or years together were not wasted or get answers? You may never get closure or the answers you want to hear. Are you trying to get a booty call?

What to Say
When you do touch base, keep it light. Don't walk down memory lane or rehash old wounds at first, if ever. Talk about the current. Take it slow. Talk about the things you like in common. Be genuinely happy for the other person if they are in a relationship. Respect that relationship and back off if necessary.

Move Forward
The key to being friends with your ex is to move forward. Don't live in the past. Don't expect to rekindle old love. Respect each other's new life. Remember that remaining friends is a bonus.

Booty Calls
A final word about booty calls. If you truly want to be friends with your ex then the booty calls cannot happen. Just don't go there. Keep the conversation clean. Stay away from any comments, touching, locations that might cause intimacy. Booty calls plus friends are just a recipe for disaster. And by disaster, I mean pain for one or both of you. It will not end well.