Lindsay Laneigh Ferrill

One year ago tomorrow, April 25, 2012, my friend, Lindsay Laneigh Ferrill, was taken from her daughter, her mother, her family and friends.

I don't remember when I first met Lindsay but I know it was at the church we both attended in Tulsa. Later, we worked at the same company for awhile. I was around for lots of major life changes for Lindsay. I remember when her father passed away. I remember when she got engaged. I attended her wedding. My husband took post wedding pics after the wedding at Widney Manor. It was one of the most fun shoots we've ever done! Lindsay was so beautiful and the camera LOVED her!!! I remember the last time I saw Lindsay after the end of her marriage and before we both moved from Tulsa.

Lindsay was sweet and kind and hard-working and TALENTED!!! She could draw anything. Lindsay made the best cakes! I used to love looking at her Facebook when she posted new pics of her cakes. When Lindsay had her daughter, I loved looking at her Facebook to see pics of her mini me. To say that I was proud of Lindsay is an understatement. She knew how I felt about her. For this, I am supremely grateful.

When I think of Lindsay, I remember her smile. Her laugh was infectious. She was shy but we were friends so I tended to forget that she was shy. I can't think of Lindsay without thinking of how beautiful she was. And fun. Lindsay was fun to be around.

Last spring was a crazy busy recruiting season for me that went into a crazy Widney summer. Lindsay had not posted much but there had been a few pics of her posted. In September, I went over to Lindsay's Facebook to see pics of her cakes and to see how her daughter had grown. That's when I realized that Lindsay had not actually posted anything on her wall. It was all posts by other people. And they were talking about how they missed her so much. I Googled Lindsay's name. Then I messaged her mother. I just wanted her mom to know how much I love Lindsay. Shari has helped me get through the loss of Lindsay more than I've helped her! That's the kind of person Shari is. It's the kind of person Lindsay was.

I'm not the kind of person to look at the Facebook wall of someone that is no longer with us. I've always thought people who wrote on the wall of someone gone was odd. I get it now. I really do. It is so comforting to visit Lindsay's wall and see her life. See her daughter as she grows. Read what her friends say about her and how they also miss Lindsay. I'm also not the type to believe that someone that is gone is visiting me when I see a butterfly. But now I get it. And I believe it. And I hope for it.

I haven't made sense of Lindsay's death. I am not sure I ever will. But Lindsay was much more than how she was taken from us. Lindsay Laneigh Ferrill lived. She continues to live in her daughter. In her family. In her friends.

I love you, Linds. And I miss you so much!

Michael Burdi

Last year, we visited downtown Toronto with the kids. It was the first time my husband really got to see the Toronto I LOVE. We always went downtown in the bitter cold months. Not sure why, really.

At any rate, I took J and the kids past where I worked, lived, loved for my formative years. I showed them where I had been a computer consultant at the Scotiabank head office and the former Sears Canada head office. Where I shopped. Where I went to see movies and the chi-chi salon where I had my hair done. We drove up Yonge Street. They saw street cars and subway stops I frequented. It was a beautiful spring day. Perfect really.

I showed my family where my first apartment was. And my next home in Toronto. It was the third home that saddened me. This is where I lived along with Michael Burdi. Michael owned a cute, brick bungalow. He lived on the main floor and rented the newly renovated lower floor to me for a few years.

Michael owned a hair salon for years. Salon on the Avenue. He drove a Mercedes in the winter and a corvette in the summer. He smoked like a chimney and had a heart of gold. He was an amazing stylist. Michael cut my hair once. I've had some amazing hair cuts. But that one, I still remember. My hair fell perfectly ALL. THE. TIME. For months!!! It was a GREAT cut.

As we drove along Brooke Avenue last spring, I saw that many of the older homes had been demolished and new homes built. Sadly, 290 Brooke Ave was one of those such casualties. It was really sad for me. I had lived there longer than anywhere else I had lived in Toronto. It was (and still is) a great neighborhood. I remember running to the bus stop in my heels. LOL.

I had searched for Michael Burdi before my visit. I found an obituary. Sadly, Michael passed away at his home in 2008. What was really sad was how life seemed to just go on as if he never lived. People shopped and ate on Avenue Road. They went to the grocery store. To the hair salon. His house was replaced. His salon no longer there.

It made me sad. This person I loved was gone and life just went on without him. Michael did not have children. He loved his nieces and nephews like his own. He talked about them often. My hope is that Michael lives in on the hearts of memories of his nieces and nephews. That they remember how special their uncle was and share that with their children. I don't have a photo of Michael. But I remember his face clearly. And his laugh. And his kind heart.

I know that dying is the way of life. That death is a part of the life cycle. And that people die every day and life has to move on. I think I just wasn't ready to move on yet. This blog post is my way of finally saying "Good bye" to Michael Burdi.

"Good Night, Sweet Prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." - Hamlet