Tough Questions Kids Ask

What is with our kids asking ALL the tough questions this month????? 

 Tonight, Motor Mouth asked if Santa is real. 

They asked what sex was. 

We told them the truth. 

They asked what gay was. 

We told them the truth.

They asked how to get pregnant. 

We told them the truth.

They asked how the doc can tell if it is a boy or girl.

We told them the truth.

They asked why they don't live with their birth moms.

We told them the truth.

They asked if Santa is real. 

"Yes, Santa is real!!!"

It's NOT The Stork!

J and I had "The Talk" with our kids on Saturday. My plan was to wait until June when school lets out. However, Mini Me just had far too many questions that were being answered one at a time. It was obvious she was ready. It is important to us to be the "sex experts" in our kids' lives. We want to be the resource they go to for answers. We want to be foremost authority - not some kid in their school.

A few weeks ago I asked our local librarian for books to help with the talk. She gave me "It's NOT the Stork!" by Robie H. Harris. To be honest, the book sat on the floor of my bedroom, unopened and unread by me. But when I found myself answering yet another sex question on Saturday morning, I knew I had to crack the book open.

This book is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! Beyond awesome!!!

If you look back a blog entry or two, you will find my growing list of sex talk topics I was going to have to cover. Robie Harris covered ALL of these. Quite well. Thank you Robie!!! 

It was a major relief to be able to have one comprehensive, well-written, age and language appropriate resource. I thought it was going to be weeks of dinner conversations to cover all the topics. Nope. Just a 20-minute book read as a family on our master bed. There were only 3-4 pages I didn't want to go on into for my kids at this time. I paper clipped them so it was easier to skip. 

Afterwards, Mini Me had several follow up questions. Motor Mouth's question was "Can I go play Star Wars now?"

Tough Questions

Mini Me was mad at J about something this morning on the way to school. She told J that she would "just go live with (her) birth mom."

Mini Me wanted to know why she does not live with her birth mom and why her sisters live with TT. J explained that TT's daughters do not live with her. That wasn't enough. Our girl had to know why. J explained that TT can't take care of kids. J was honest and told her TT made some bad choices, did the bad kind of drugs, couldn't take care of her girls, and that she had been to jail. She seemed satisfied with the answers.

I've asked TT to talk to Mini Me directly and answer those questions personally this weekend. Gotta love open adoption!

How Do You Get Pregnant?

J and I were in the kitchen while J was prepping for dinner. J had just asked me to cut the veggies when Mini Me cut in to our conversation to ask: "How do you get pregnant?" Fortunately me for me, we have this little rule where the children must ask to interrupt J and I or adults talking. I ignored her and said I was going to go wash my hands in my bathroom. 

What the Hell???? Mini Me seems obsessed with sex these days. (Read my blogs over the last month or so). 

First she is telling me the definition of sex (when a mommy and daddy kiss laying down in their bedroom). Then she is telling me my drink (POM Wonderful) looks like "love potion." 

Next she tells us Motor Mouth Googled "sex." 

Last week Mini Me told me the definition of gay (when two girls get married. Like when your Barbies kiss. Or two boys get married). I did not tell you she said she would like to have two girls when she grows up - and she did not mean two daughters!  

The other day, Motor Mouth asked what "S&M" means (Rihanna's song was on the radio). J told him "snacks & meals" which Motor Mouth was happy to learn of. I froze. I had no answer. Of course, I was busy singing along that "whips and chains excite me" when he asked...

This week, Mini Me told me her and a boy in her class (a really cute one) decided they would get married but he broke his promise and decided to marry another boy so they could be gay (it's always the cute ones...) to which I told her even the best of us ladies have that happen to us. 

Also this week, Motor Mouth asked how the doctor can tell if it is a girl or boy when the baby is born. ("If it is a boy it has a penis. If it is a girl it has a vagina," I said. To which he said, "Oh yeah, that's right! I forgot. That's ALL I want to know, Mom.") 

This is punishment. I know it is. I am being punished for everything I put my parents through and then some. Granted, I wanted to be a stripper when I was six years old, but I have siblings who are seven or eight years older than me. Mini Me is leaps and bounds beyond her eight year old brother in questions she is asking. Why couldn't I have had two boys? Three even. I used to want three boys. Sigh.

So, I washed my hands. For as long as humanly possible. I stalled by Facebooking and tweeting. Finally, I went back into the kitchen. While chopping an onion, I looked at Mini Me and, in my most casual voice, said "You get pregnant when you have sex. Any other questions?" Mercifully, she went back to pretending to be able to read a book.

I was planning on giving the kids "The Talk" in June so that we could be the experts they receive their sex information from first. June so that they would not go to school and tell their unsuspecting and innocent friends (though I'm not so sure any of Mini Me's school friends are so innocent anymore). My list of discussion topics grows.

Ever Growing List of Topics for "The Talk"

- kissing

- marriage

- sex (intercourse)

- Internet porn (as in, don't Google, you might see more than you are ready for)

- homosexuality

- pregnancy

- child birth

- infertility (sometimes mommies or daddies are broken - lots of adoption q's these days)

- touching (bad touch has been discussed but will be reviewed)

- I think I can skip S&M for now but thanks, Rihanna!

- not telling other kids because their parents want to tell their kids when they are ready so keep this to yourselves!!

Clearly, this is a series of conversations that could take all summer. I'm seriously thinking about shipping the kids to grandma and grandpa after school ends so we can delay this...

If you have some good book out there, website, advice on how to do this, funny/crazy/horror/good stories on how you shared this info or received it, or just want to tell me this to shall end, please comment. Rather, HELP!!!

Gay Marriage

Mini Me told us a sad little story from her class. Mini Me is five years old.

Mini Me: "Boy A in my class said he and I are going to get married when we grow up. But then Boy A broke his promise and change his mind. Boy A and Boy B say they gonna get married. They want to be gay."

Me: "Sorry, Baby, that happens to the best of us sometimes."

Wordless Wednesday - Potheads

Self Portraits - April/May 2011

 For those who I know are just clamoring for new self-portraits of me, here you go!

You are most welcome. 

I know, I'm a mess.

Knowing Me Knowing You - May '11

knowing me, knowing you - may 2011

Okay so it's time once again for that monthly interview project... knowing me, knowing you, created by my friend over at "The Fairy Blogmother."

1. What was your wedding song?

We eloped so there was no music until J dubbed it in afterwards for the video. 

When I walked down the aisle he played "Ava Maria" because that's my middle name. 

And then he dubbed in "For The First Time" by Kenny Loggins. It is about 2 people that knew each other as friends and then fell in love and so it's like the first time they are seeing each other or something like that.

2. If you could guest star on any TV show which one would you pick?
Law and Order: SVU. I'd play some crazy person. Oh wait, that wouldn't be acting.

3. What is your favorite children's book?I loved Cinderella when I was a kid. Now, I love reading "Alice the Fairy" to my kids. I put on this crazy voice and it is something to behold.

4. Did you watch the Royal Wedding?
I watched Charles and Diana's royal wedding. Does that count?

5. What is your favorite thing to have off the barbecue?Pineapple. Fresh pineapple that has been grilled is the stuff orgasms are made of. 

Okay, so head over to Fairy Blogmother and see what she posted. I would link there but my linky thingy is not working and I need to take my contacts out and go to bed. 

S.E.X. For Kids

A little over a month ago, Mini Me and Motor Mouth told me they know what s.e.x. is. They were pretty aligned that it is when a mommy and daddy kiss laying down in their bedroom. 

About a month ago, Mini Me found this in the fridge and asked if it was "love potion."

Then about a week ago, Mini Me told us that Motor Mouth had Googled s.e.x. Unfortunately, J had taken the parental controls off their computer so they were free to view p.o.r.n. J locked down the computer uber tight once again. 

I googled s.e.x. If they did an image search, we are okay. It backs up the aforementioned definition. HOWEVER, if they clicked on either of the two video links on a regular search, we are in TROUBLE!

Yesterday, Motor Mouth asked me how the doctor can tell if the baby is a boy or girl when it comes out. I said, "If it's a boy, it has a penis. If it is a girl, it has a vagina." Motor Mouth said, "Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay, Mom, that's ALL I want to know."

Today, J did a detailed search of the browsing history on their computer. It seems auto correct can be a beautiful thing. They did a Bing search on s.e.x. and came back with "s.e.x. offenders" and "s.e.x. during pregnancy." Hahaha! Whew! We dodged a bullet on that one. 

Mother's Day 2011

 Photo: After visiting the Field Museum, Mini Me and Motor Mouth picking dandelions for my Mother's Day "bouquet" on Museum Campus 

This morning, I called my mother, in Canada, to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. It was the least I could do. Dang it! I forgot to ask my sister to write my name on the card she bought our mother. She's a much better daughter. 

Next, I texted my children's birth moms to wish them a Happy Mom's Day, tell them how much I dearly love them and I thanked them for being my heroes and making me a mom. Without KK and TT, there is no way I would be celebrating my eighth Mother's Day today. These brave, strong, selfless women chose the tougher path to live apart from their children and chose me to parent their children. I never forget that KK and TT were moms first so that I could be a mom. 

Both kids called their birth moms to wish them a Happy Mother's Day and to say "I love you." I only wish I had taken a pic of the smiles on my kids' faces!

Little Known Widney Woman Fact:

Mother's Day is extra special for me as Motor Mouth was dedicated at church on my very first Mother's Day in 2003. Three years later, in 2006, Mini Me was dedicated at church on Mother's Day (wearing a dedication gown J designed and had made out of my wedding gown!

Dreams Come True

I am extremely happy for my dear friend MAM. On Wednesday, her dream came true. My very first introduction to MAM was on an article/post she wrote for Chicago Moms Blog. In the post, she talked about her dream to buy a home in Oak Park and live there for the rest of her life. It took almost 2 years from the time they moved out of their Chicago condo and the house renovation was complete enough to move in, but they did it! Mission accomplished. My friend's dream has come true and I could not be happier for her!!! Take a peek here.

Gay Birds and Bees

Last night we went for a walk through the grounds of Buckingham Fountain. Lovely walk. On the way to the car, out-of-the-blue, Mini Me says, "I know what 'gay' means." To which I said, "Really? What does 'gay' mean?"

"Gay is when a girl marries a girl," said Mini Me.

Pretty spot on for a FIVE-year old!!!

Mini Me went on to say that "gay" is when your Barbie dolls kiss and when a boy marries a boy.

Motor Mouth seems to be a bit of a homophobe. He was appalled at the definition of "gay."

We explained to the children that some people are born gay and that it is normal. That we love and respect gay people. We shared the names of people we, as a family, love that are gay. It helped the children to see that it doesn't matter if someone is gay - we love them.

I was thinking we would have the heterosexual birds and bees conversation in June, after school lets out. Now, that conversation for our 5 and 8 year olds will be more encompassing and a bit more detailed than I had initially thought.

Bad Day

I had a really bad day today. Really bad. I was too upset about events, which have affected our family that we had no control over nor a hand in, that hit the fan today. Add to that my husband being out of town for 8/10 days, it being the anniversary of a car accident that put me in rehab for almost two years, a crazy "situation," and some pre-menstrual stuff going on.

At one point today, I realized I simply could not hold it together any longer and left my office. I wanted to drive out to the lakeshore and let the waters of Lake Michigan calm me. I wanted to drive down Michigan Avenue and let the tulips remind me of my childhood when my mom grew the most beautiful tulips in her garden. I wanted to drive to the top of a parking garage and take in the incredible skyline of my beloved city.

Instead, I went home, crawled into bed, and proceeded to cry. In the midst of my cry fest, I texted a few of my closest, most positive friends and asked them to "tell me it was all going to alright." They did. One friend called me and he made me laugh so hard, I almost wet myself. My boss texted me and gave me encouragement.

To pull myself out of the mire, I made a list of the positive things. Then I emailed it to myself and to J. I tidied my home and when I was 30 minutes cry free, I freshened up my makeup and went back to work.

Nothing has been resolved but I am doing my best to focus on the good.

Knowing Me Knowing You - April '11

knowing me, knowing you - april 2011

Time once again for that monthly interview project created by my dear friend, The Fairy Blogmother.

1. Do you text?Yes. I finally have unlimited texting and well, wow! Now I'm like a school girl texting her BFF.

2. What's your favorite kind of cheese?Pepper Jack. Wait - no, feta. But I do love a good cheddar... I love cheese but I don't eat it often and don't do the rich cheeses as my stomach and cheese have a love-hate relationship. Mostly hate.

3. Got big plans for the weekend?
We do actually. Privacy laws require me to keep our plans confidential.

4. How do you keep track of your families activities and obligations?We have Mobile Me accounts with Mac that enable us to share calendars. We have it color coded for J's work, my work, kids' school, family activities, etc. We can access and update on our iPhones and laptops. It's pretty sweet.

5. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?J. Always J. I don't talk on the phone much. Like, almost never. Facebook is my chosen method of communication. I just can't stand sitting on the phone talking. I think it gets you into trouble. I think you say too much and are more likely to fill in the gaps with other people's business. 

Also, I talk a LOT at work and I talk a LOT to my kids (okay, that is more yelling but still). J and I are best friends. We talk a LOT to each other. There really isn't much more left for anyone else after that. 

Head on over to The Fairy Blogmother to see what she has to say.

Urban Girl Art

Mini Me was very proud of her school art...

Yes, ants on the foot.

Black background.

She's 5 years old.

Monday Madness

When J was a kid, he always took his dad's socks off. As an adult, J has discovered that Mini Me seems to enjoy taking his socks off. Full circle moment. Join me in singing "Kumbayah."

Tonight, J asked Mini Me to take his socks off. Motor Mouth wanted in on the action so I let him take my socks off. A decision I regret...:

Motor Mouth: "Mom has big feet."

Mini Me: "Yeah she does!"

Motor Mouth: "Like 'Big Foot'. It's like Big Foot with socks on."

This tradition dies with me today.

BEST April Fool's Day Ever!

The day started with me wanting J and I to change our Facebook status to 'Separated'.

J had a better idea...

Imagine receiving the above photo with this email sent to my family and friends:

Greetings Family & Friends,

I hope this email finds you doing well. As you know, it has been my heart's desire to carry a baby to term. After months of fertility treatments, J and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting! We are thrilled beyond belief. 

We had an ultrasound on March 22. See below. Not sure the sex of Baby Widney yet but the name will be Blue. Just have to work on 2 middle names now.

Motor Mouth and Mini Me are thrilled. Mini Me has many questions, of course. Motor Mouth is taking it in stride. We are all so very excited!!!!

I should mention that if you know the names of our 2 children, the name Blue would fit right in.

I am truly blessed to have amazing people who love me and my family as the following e-mails show....

From JF:

I was literally sitting in my car as I read this and I shrieked with excitement; I also startled my business partner! I'm so excited, I mean who wouldn't be to become an aunt! Also what is the significance of the name Blue?

Congratulations!

From MW:

OMG!! I am SO excited for you. I didnt even know you all were trying. OMG, OMG, OMG this is too much excitement!!!

You better keep me posted every step of the way.

Love you girlie

From MM:

Wow --  I had no idea!  CONGRATS!!!

From VL:

WOW!!! what great news! it is spring after all... so new life!

CONGRATS & many blessing to you & your family.

From DA:

WOW!!!!  So happy for you guys!  How exciting is that!  Congratulations...you guys are just too cool for words!

From DV:

I notice you dropping hints starting months ago, so I'm not surprised. And I know first hand you can keep a secret. How are you feeling? If you're open to hand-me-down baby stuff (my guess is that you're not) let me know.

Wonderful news! May God bless the rest of the pregnancy. If you've got questions, I love to talk pregnancy and childbirth!

And this was my Facebook profile pic....

I laughed harder and more today than I have in a week! (J keeps me laughing pretty hard). Of course, I do feel bad because some incredible people got duped. But I'm hoping they still love me on Monday.

I have never pulled off this great of an April Fool's joke, ever!

Homework

Mini Me came home telling me she had homework. I did not help her with it. My four-year old does not need homework.

My kids are in school about seven hours a day. If their teachers can't get it together and teach them what they need in that length of time, they should be fired. Think about it. When you are at work all day long, do you want to bring home an hour or more of work? My kids are...children. They need to be children. The job of a child is to play. Children learn through play.

Here is something else to think about. If your child starts doing an hour or two of homework every night in second grade, where do they go from there? When does it end? When does your child get to love school and love learning?

If in elementary school your child busts their butts with homework, are up until 1:00 am in high school doing homework, with more of the same in college, by the time your kid hits the work world, he/she is burned out! And they missed their childhood.

I love the way the kindergarten teacher at Mini Me's school next year does homework. First, reading 20 minutes/day to your child is the most important "homework".  A homework sheet is sent home about once every 3-4 weeks. On it, there are about 18-20 items, of which the students are asked to do about 15-18 of those in a 3-4 week period. Things like: "Count to 100 by 10's", "Count how many socks are in your sock drawer",  "Draw a picture of the third building past your home".

These are practical activities the children can do on their own without the help of a parent. Activities that take into account what they are learning in class. They do not take an hour. I don't think parents should have to do their kids' homework. We already did this stuff.

Motor Mouth's Birthday

Happy 8th Birthday, Motor Mouth!

I'm a little late on my birthday posting for Motor Mouth. It was a busy, busy week. We let the kids choose where they wanted to go for their birthday dinner. Mini Me chose a Chinese food restaurant chain in a strip mall. We have some of the best Chinese food in China Town and she chooses that. LOL. 

Motor Mouth chose Rainforest Cafe for his birthday dinner. He wanted the volcano dessert. Mini Me was afraid of the alligator, elephants, and monkeys. It was kind of sweet the way she gripped my leg like her life depended on it.

Knowing Me, Knowing You - Mar '11

Time again for the monthly question series, Knowing Me, Knowing You, originated by The Fairy Blogmother. Enjoy and play along on the Blogmother's site.

1. Do you consider yourself a foodie?Nope. I don't know much about food. J is a foodie. He can taste a food and tell you what the ingredients are (spices and all). I can't eat white sauces or cheese. No food worth their weight can possibly shy away from these prime ingredients.

2. Are you a spender or a saver?Both.

3. What was the last movie you saw?I Am Four. Loved it!!!!!!!! J and I finally went on a date for the first time in months and months. It was nice to do dinner and a movie with my husband.

4. What is the closest book to you?My iPhone is closest to me so my current iPhone books are:
- Audiobooks: The Secret Garden
- Audible: Inbound Marketing


Across from me, the physical book on top of the nearest bookcase is:
- Tribes by Seth Godin

5. Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day?Yes! Widney is an Irish name. The children wear green. I found a green sweater to wear. We have a new tradition of going to the Greening of the River on the Chicago River. And of course, we have Shamrock shakes! I do have a box of St. Patty's Day decorations I put around the house. I also try to make the kids green shamrock pancakes on March 17.