The topic of sex has come up much more in conversations lately. More on that on Jan 9th.
But what strikes me the most is how many married couples are NOT having sex. What gives? We are legally REQUIRED to engage in this pleasure sport and no one wants to do it. What's up with that people??
I'm hearing women are too tired. Some men are too. I'm hearing it just isn't satisfying. I'm hearing it's one more thing on the checklist of never ending things. I'm hearing the sex drive decreased after kids. Or the husband has some elevation or duration issues.
I know sex before marriage is often frequent and can be somewhat adventurous and exciting - that whole forbidden fruit, do it in strange and/or public places excitement. But married sex is sooooo much better. At least for me. For me, I know this person has my very best interest at heart and we are so much more committed to each other and are vested in one another. It's awesome! I'm not throwing my married sex aside for nothing!
Sure, there are days (mornings or nights, or early afternoons) when I don't want to. When I'm too tired. When he's too tired. When I think "there's no way in hell you are tapping this". But you know, it's when I DON'T want to do it but do anyway that it is DA BEST, BABY!! I usually end up thinking, "why was I so resistant? That was such a great idea."
Ladies, if your hormones are off, get some testosterone cream (Arbonne sells it, you know). If he's having some problems, get him to check out his blood pressure (high blood pressure can keep things down. Go with him to the doc and get the purple pill. And for crying out loud, don't call a doc if it lasts more than 4 hours...celebrate!
If you are tired, re-work your schedule...or just lay there and let it happen to and for you. If you need romance, throw it out the window for a day and just go with it - or romance yourself all day by sending yourself flowers from him and pick up a box of chocolates if that's what you need. Just have sex with your husband for crying out loud. You don't want him going elsewhere, do you? Oh, and why don't YOU try initiating from time to time. Maybe if he saw you trying and initiating, it might spur him to work harder in the romance department.
And most of all, COMMUNICATE. Men are not mind readers. Just talk to the man. Go for a long drive (without the kids) or to a corner of a coffee shop and talk about your sex life. Don't do it in bed. What do you want from it? How often is your ideal? What do you need to want it to happen? What do you like - this can change, you know. Same for him. Ask him. Get his answers. And if you need to schedule it for once a week or once every 2 weeks, do so. Life gets busy, scheduling is not that weird. Keep the appointment!!
I find I am most crabby with him and others when it's been a long time since. The more often we do it, the closer I feel to him, the more connected I feel, and the less I bitch at him. It's all those good endorphins being released.
Oh, and that stuff you read in romance novels and see on TV? Made up. Some of that TV stuff just isn't real. When we first got married, we tried having me sleep on his arm. Hurt my neck and his back was all messed up. His arm fell asleep, too. And the kissing first thing in the morning? Morning breath! Uggh! Romance is what you make it. You won't have curl your toes sex unless you communicate and are honest and open (and relax).
Oh, and that brings me to another soapbox topic. Nakedness. Let your husband see you naked. Turn the light on and let the man look. If you make it so taboo, it creates a wierdness. Embrace your body (figuratively but if literally works for you, it's not a sin). Embrace your body where it is now. Get happy with it. He loves you and he loves your body. Let him enjoy you and your body without your hangups - they are YOUR hang ups, not his.
Okay. Your 45 minutes with Dr. WidneyWoman are up. Sex therapy session is closed for today.
Go play and enjoy!!!! It's your legal obligation!!
