Grandma Grandma Passed Away Today

Grandma Barbara

July 21, 1933 - June 26, 2010

Barbara & Lester Widney

1st great-grandchild.

Grandma's dreams of being a great-grandparent

were fulfilled when Motor Mouth was born.

Motor Mouth's 1st night home

Mini Me's 1st photo shoot

We still have Grandpa Grandpa

She was a wonderful grandmother to J. She was wonderful to me and to our children.

Grandma taught J to love so much of what he does well today. Gardening, cooking, baking. You might think I'm J's biggest fan, but I'm nothing compared to how proud she was of J. She loved seeing J's creations. J reminded Grandma of her father.

Many of J's fondest childhood memories involve his grandmother. J has so many wonderful stories about gardening with his grandma or baking or just great memories of how much she treasured their special relationship.

Two years ago, Grandma was diagnosed with cancer. That summer, we cancelled our Europe vacation for our 10th wedding anniversary to spend the time with Grandma. I told J that "Paris and London will always be there, but Grandma won't be."

Last year, we missed Mini Me's first ballet and jazz recital so we could be with Grandma who had become very ill. It did not look like she would survive the week. But she did!!

I can't begin to tell you how much Grandma meant to me and how much I truly loved her. We got to spend time getting to know each other well. My favorite jewelry pieces were given to me by Grandma. When she gave me a few of her cookbooks, I was so overwhelmed. Cooking was one way Grandma showed her love, so for her to give me a cookbook??? Love, love, love. Grandma's used cookbooks were the best gifts I've ever received.

Grandma was so sweet and kind. For our birthdays or special occasions, she would bake our favorite dessert or make our favorite dish or both. In 15 years, I never once heard Grandma say anything mean or harsh to or about someone. She was sweet inside and out.

Grandma loved me as her own grandchild. I loved hanging out with her and talking on the phone. In addition to our regular family meals at J's parents' home, we would get together with Grandma and Grandpa about every 3 months when we lived in Tulsa.

The last time I spoke to Grandma on the phone, we laughed about the days when Grandma begged us for a great-grandchild. "All of my friends have great-grandbabies but I don't even have 1." Motor Mouth is the oldest of 22 great-grandchildren

age 7 and under with 2 more on the way!!

She was a hands on great-grandma that played with our kids. Our kids loved playing at Grandma Grandma's house. They had special toys for our kids when they came over. She was so excited when we asked them to babysit the kids. Our kids LOVED Grandma Barbara.

She even treated our friends as her own.

Annual Widney pumpkin patch photo - Oct 2007

This is how I will remember Grandma Grandma

Happy. Smiling. Laughing. Loving.

I love my husband

My Man

I love this man.

I do. I just really, really do.

It's not father's day. It's not his birthday. Not our anniversary. Not an anniversary of anything (maybe it is but I am not the type to remember anniversaries).

I'm just sitting here, next to this amazing, wonderful man that I get to call my very own and I feel love for him. Have you ever looked at your partner and thought, "God, I love this man (or woman)!!" and then feel the love well up inside you?

We are not talking. We are just being together. He is on his laptop and I am on mine. There is nowhere I would rather be than right next to him. Yes, we've done separate vacations and we do our own thing from time to time, and sometimes I get so mad at him, I could scream (sometimes, I do) but ultimately, J is my very best friend and I can't imagine life without him.

Every now and then, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had chosen this path or that path. I haven't done it with J, but if I were to do a pros and cons list, I'm sure the pros side would be pages and pages while the cons side would be 1/8th of a page. Ultimately, even with the icky life stuff we've been through, I am glad that I am married to my best friend and that he loves me - or at least really likes me (most of the time).

Brought to you by Coors Light

On our last evening in Canada, I wanted our kids to get some more bonding time in with their oldest cousin.

J would like for me to tell you that these were empty cans...

Empty. Empty. Empty.

What NOT to say...

I don't think most people mean to be daft and insensitive. But when you are experiencing infertility and adoption, there are some things you really don't need to hear. Such as....

When are you going to start your family?

- I don't have a crystal ball. If I did, I'd win the lottery.

Don't you want children?

- Yes, I do. What I don't want is to be questioned about it.

Are you sure you are doing it right?

- Funny. Hahaha. Would you like to evaluate our home videos?

Oh, you are a 'career' woman.

- Would you rather I sit at home watching soap operas while I await the blessed event?

Just relax and it will happen.

- Seriously? How am I supposed to relax when I'm getting questioned as to when I'm going to have a child every time I turn around?

Your biological clock is ticking. Better get working!

- We work at it every chance we get...

My friend/sibling/cousin/coworker/etc. got pregnant after they adopted.

- I honestly don't need to hear this. Every situation is different.

Don't you have faith for your own child (when told adopting)?

- It takes more faith to believe a stranger will take care of herself while pregnant and then will not change her mind after the birth.

Infertility treatments are messing with God's creation.

- So is taking Tylenol for your headache and having surgery to remove your appendix or your wisdom teeth. Just let that happen naturally.

Do you have some unconfessed sin?

- About as much as you do. Probably even less.

Do you ever feel like God has forsaken you?

- Every. Day.

Were you sexually promiscuous?

- No. Were you?

Are you infertile because of an STD?

- I am so surprised this misconception is out there!

It's so honorable to adopt a child.

- I'm trying to fulfill my heart's desire, not win the Nobel Peace Prize.

We have an adopted child too. We give to a 3rd world country adoption program

- Yeah. Not the same thing, my friend.

Your adopted child is so lucky to have a good home.

- No. We are lucky we get to be parents.

My friend/sibling/coworker/etc. adopted a child and when he/she grew up, they said they hated their parents.

- So what? When I was a teenager, I told my mom I hated her and wished I had different parents. Isn't that a right of passage whether you are adopted or not?

If you have an open adoption, the birth parent will come take the child back.

- Clearly, you have never met a birth parent. She/he would not do that. Statistically not happening.

If God wanted you to be a parent, it would have come naturally

- Right. Like the immaculate conception was natural.

She's an adoptive mom, she doesn't need meals, sleep, support, baby shower, etc.

- Really? Maybe I didn't push that baby out personally, but I'm still doing 2 hour feedings and instead of 9 months warning, I might have had oh, 1 hour warning. And not only do I have to care for a baby and all that, but I also have to meet with the adoption agency and attorneys and social workers and spend time with the birth mom.

I'm sure there are more, but you get the gist of it.

What SHOULD you say?

- I'm really sorry to hear you are having these struggles. I am here for you if you need me.

What SHOULD you do?

- Bring meals over. Throw a baby shower when the time comes. Spa services make great gifts.

Appreciated

I often feel as though I am not doing enough and that I could do so much better and should do better. Then a yesterday happens along.

In the morning, a gentleman I work with told me he appreciates having me around because things flowed so much smoother for an event. He also said it was nice being able to tag team.

That afternoon, a co-worker told me she was so happy to have me around because I helped to lighten the load.

And last night, a board member told me he appreciated everything I had done and that I made a difference for the better and he is glad I will be staying around next year.

Maybe it is just the end of the school year and people are feeling nostalgic. But at any rate, it made me feel as though I make a real contribution to the team and that I am a vital part of the organization. And this makes me feel as though the long hours, late nights, and working around our kids' schedules to reduce the impact on them were all worth it.

Knowing Me, Knowing You - June '10

Time once again for the monthly interview project, knowing me, knowing you. Please play along on your own blog and go to The Fairy Blogmother to let her know you played.

1. Do you often have out of town guests?
Since moving to Chicago 2-3x/mth in the summer and 1x/month in winter. We enjoy entertaining and spending time with our friends but we've created boundaries as it can get really expensive for us to be running around town going to all the museums with out-of-towners twice/month ($2-300 in parking, museum entry, dinners, etc. EACH time.)

2. What kind of an overnight guest set up do you have?
Guests sleep in MotorMouth's bedroom on a full-sized bed with a skyline view of downtown Chicago - the Sears Tower is about 2 miles away. We let them use the kids' bathroom. When I have my act together and remember, I prepare a guest basket with toiletries, mints, chocolates, bottle water, etc. for them. If there are a lot of them, they might also have Mini Me's bedroom (she has a full-sized bed too).

3. Cupcake or cake?
Cupcakes are cute, don't get me wrong, but I really prefer a piece of cake.

4. Iced tea or lemonade?
Lemonade. Pink. Yellow. White. Strawberry. Lemonade.

5. When you get into bed for the night do you go right to sleep or do you read, internet or watch TV before lights out?
I used to lay in bed awake for up to 60-90 minutes but now I'm so tired I am asleep within 5-10 minutes of my head hitting that pillow.

Writing Workshop

I'm doing it again!! I'm taking the writing workshop I took 2 years ago. It's such a great workshop. I can hardly wait!! It will be a bunch of work but it will get me writing.

MAM is teaching the workshop again. This time, in Oak Park. it's going to be good!! July can't come soon enough. Are you IN? Go here to sign up.

Yours and Mine

Have you seen the newest KY Kissable Sensations commercial? It's hysterical. The commercial advertises the latest addition to the line: 'K-Y Kissable Sensations for the Body'. It's chocolate and strawberry flavored. (J thinks they should make mashed potatoes and gravy or chicken fried steak flavoring for men.) If it is anything like the K-Y Yours + Mine, ummm... WoW!!

Some of you might recall my dear friend, Oprah, was kind enough to give us a parting gift that included K-Y Yours + Mine. If you have not tried it yet, go here for a coupon and get thee some Yours + Mine!! (Available at your local drug store.)

Disclaimer:

This blog entry was not paid for or supported in any way by K-Y or anything or anyone associated with K-Y. This is purely a posting done out of the goodness of my heart as a public service for couples looking for some good times, baby!

Canada or Bust

This has been a full couple of weeks. It's obvious the school year ends next week with lots of school activities at both kids' schools. One more week until both kids are out of their respective schools for the summer. And then, it's off to Canada!!

Yes, this means my passport has arrived!!

One full year of an expired passport and the hassles that were necessary to get a new Canadian passport. I feel like I'm Canadian again and it feels sooooooo good.

J and I are looking forward to resting. We won't have our iPhones turned on. My parents are really busy people but their lifestyle is much more laid back. I'm excited about just hanging out with my sister and my mom. And hearing my dad's horrible jokes first hand. I'll get to spend an evening with my brothers and sister and parents together as a family. It's been 2 years since I've seen my brothers!!

We are headed to Niagara-on-the-Lake for a good portion of our visit. Mini Me has been to Niagara Falls but doesn't remember it as she was so young. Now, she will remember. The last time we visited The Falls, we had been living in Tulsa and were shocked at paying $10 for parking near The Falls. Now, we are like, "ONLY $10!! That's a bargain!!!" Hahahaha! Motor Mouth wants to go see a ship wreck he has been wanting to see up close for 3 years - his memory is that good!

It's kinda funny - We used to look forward to going to my family's restaurant and for a great meal. Now, we are looking forward to visiting their colon cleansing business...

J and I are going to have a date night.

All this crammed into 3 days.

Child Labor

Growing up, our parents taught us to make English Muffin pizzas. I loved it!!! I was so excited to share this with my kids. The first time I did it, things didn't turn out so well. Not sure why now, I just know the kids refused to eat it. I was heart-broken.

I laid things out and let the kids do it all!!

We had so much fun!

And it tasted great!!

Truthful Tuesday - Open Minds

I work for a private Christian school in Chicago that embodies the spirit of the city. I love the progressive, forward thinking of this school and of Christians in Chicago on the whole. See, I came from living for 9 years in a place where there is not as much diversity.

Recently, a teacher at the school where I work shared that when she decided 3rd/4th grade was what she wanted to teach, she read the entire Harry Potter series. It's what kids that age are in to. In Tulsa, there was so much anti-Potter sentiment when the first movie came out, it was even 'preached' against from the pulpit of our church. J and I decided we wanted to learn about it for ourselves and to not just take what 'they' said.

J's sound booth in Tulsa was in the middle of 2 gym floors. He played a song with Eastern style music. J witnessed a lower elementary child jokingly pretend to be in a yoga position. The P.E. teacher told the child yoga was of the devil. Needless to say, when we learned one of the classes in the Christian school where I teach (and where Motor Mouth attends) did a model Chinese home, complete with a Buddha, we were floored and impressed. How best to teach a Christian worldview than to share the religious beliefs of others in the world and those they will come in contact with in Chicago? I should mention we often run in to Motor Mouth's teacher after her evening yoga class.

Since moving to Chicago, I've met Christians who love Jesus and are - get this - Democrats! For 9 years, I did not realize you could be destined for Heaven AND vote for a Democrat. This is not only a Tulsa phenomenon. Clearly, there are red states and blue states. This was just my experience. I'm Canadian and therefore neither Republican nor Democrat. I have to say, I did love me some Reagan and some George W.

The thing I love about politics in Chicago is that you can have differing opinions and still be friends with someone. You can have differing opinions and still have a decent relationship with your family. They won't accuse you of living in a Godless city because people are allowed to have their own thoughts and their own opinions - especially after much study.

What I've struggled with a lot over the last few years is the number of my Tulsa acquaintances suddenly getting divorces because this one was cheating on that one, or friends who have $50K - $100K in credit card debt, or knowing some people have strap ons hidden in their homes but they act morally supreme, or they get fired because they are abusing prescription drugs or they are closet alcoholics, etc.

So when I came to Chicago and on one of the first Sundays we were in church here, a guy got up and talked about his porn addiction in front of the whole church, I knew we weren't in Tulsa anymore!! I missed it, but a previous week a guy talked about his struggles with homosexuality and I've heard women talk about their formerly promiscuous lifestyles.

Are people in Chicago perfect? Absolutely not. But I believe that in being honest about your struggles, you can face them head on and work through them. Is everyone in Chicago just voyeuristic and share their yucky life stuff? Nope. But in doing so, it helps other people to face and deal with the yuckyness of their lives. You can have a group of people who care about you supporting you and helping to keep you accountable. God is a god of light, not darkness. What we hide can eat us up inside. If we bring it in to the light, we can get help and live in the freedom God designs for us.

Although this may sound like a bash Tulsa entry, it is not. I love the friends I made there and value my friends. I'm merely reaffirming why I love living in this big city. And why I felt like I was dying in Tulsa. Why I had to get out of there before my soul shriveled up and died.

Karate Kid

I'm so proud of my big boy!!

Motor Mouth is a YELLOW BELT!!

He is growing so fast, I told him he can use his Gi as dress up clothes. By the time we resume karate, he will be too tall for his uniform. Last year, I had to roll up the cuffs twice!

What I Know For Sure

Life has been in a state of flux for several months. It is a major relief to know I'm finally getting some things finalized. There is still a really big unknown out there that could effect much of this. But for the most part, it is nice to 'know' that:

Both kids are going to a fun-filled summer camp with lots of activities and trips to great places in the city

Starting this fall, once again our 2 kids will attend 2 different schools with 2 different schedules and 2 different calendars and in 2 different parts of the city. We made it through last year. It seems doable again.

I will continue to work at Motor Mouth's school

We are staying in our loft another year

I will be PTO secretary for a 2nd year at Mini Me's school

All 4 of us love living in Chicago and are excited about what this summer and upcoming year will hold for us.

Great Party

A few weeks ago, I went to a birthday party for MAM's little girl. I felt so comfortable there. Why? Because I had met everyone before. Of the 5 or so couples present, I had met them all, except for the boyfriend of MAM's babysitter - and I might I have him before or just seems that way from conversations with her babysitter.

There are very few places I go these days where I know all of the players and they know me. And not that pseudo knowing that comes from following each other's blogs. The knowing that comes from breaking bread with people.

I've said this before and I'm going to say it again. I'm really grateful to MAM for opening her life and her heart to me and for making my transition to ChiTown much smoother.

Mommy's Girlfriends

The other day, Mini Me made a comment about 'Mommy's girlfriends'. I was curious who she would say were my friends so I asked her. I thought for sure, she would say MAM, or Maddie's mommy or JuJu's mommy. After much deliberation, Mini Me could not come up with one name. How sad is that?!!

It dawned on me that most of my girlfriend time comes when the kids are in bed, with their dad, or at school. My knitting/crochet group is on evenings when they are getting ready for bed. When I go visit MAM, it's usually just me. And she probably thinks play dates with Maddie's mommy or JuJu's mommy is for them - she doesn't realize she gets to play with the kids because I'm friends with their mommies.

I'm not the greatest at calling friends or going shopping with them (I hate shopping), or just hanging out. I think having friends when we all have kids is different. You both have school events, kids' bedtimes, husbands, work, volunteer commitments. I'm not great at hanging out or talking every week, but I do keep in touch via social media and texting. Every now and then we'll get on the phone and talk for about an hour.

Shows like SATC2 and Desperate Housewives, make me long for a core group of women I see all the time. But then I watch Housewives of Orange County, or New York or Atlanta and I am thrilled to not have to deal with that drama!! LOL!!

I have a great core group of ladies that I love to be with and share our lives with. Fortunately, they are as busy as I am and don't seem to mind that we have to fit each other in. But as a female, I need to model good, strong female relationships for my daughter. This is something I need to work on for my friends, for my daughter and for me.