Tough Questions Kids Ask

What is with our kids asking ALL the tough questions this month????? 

 Tonight, Motor Mouth asked if Santa is real. 

They asked what sex was. 

We told them the truth. 

They asked what gay was. 

We told them the truth.

They asked how to get pregnant. 

We told them the truth.

They asked how the doc can tell if it is a boy or girl.

We told them the truth.

They asked why they don't live with their birth moms.

We told them the truth.

They asked if Santa is real. 

"Yes, Santa is real!!!"

It's NOT The Stork!

J and I had "The Talk" with our kids on Saturday. My plan was to wait until June when school lets out. However, Mini Me just had far too many questions that were being answered one at a time. It was obvious she was ready. It is important to us to be the "sex experts" in our kids' lives. We want to be the resource they go to for answers. We want to be foremost authority - not some kid in their school.

A few weeks ago I asked our local librarian for books to help with the talk. She gave me "It's NOT the Stork!" by Robie H. Harris. To be honest, the book sat on the floor of my bedroom, unopened and unread by me. But when I found myself answering yet another sex question on Saturday morning, I knew I had to crack the book open.

This book is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! Beyond awesome!!!

If you look back a blog entry or two, you will find my growing list of sex talk topics I was going to have to cover. Robie Harris covered ALL of these. Quite well. Thank you Robie!!! 

It was a major relief to be able to have one comprehensive, well-written, age and language appropriate resource. I thought it was going to be weeks of dinner conversations to cover all the topics. Nope. Just a 20-minute book read as a family on our master bed. There were only 3-4 pages I didn't want to go on into for my kids at this time. I paper clipped them so it was easier to skip. 

Afterwards, Mini Me had several follow up questions. Motor Mouth's question was "Can I go play Star Wars now?"

Tough Questions

Mini Me was mad at J about something this morning on the way to school. She told J that she would "just go live with (her) birth mom."

Mini Me wanted to know why she does not live with her birth mom and why her sisters live with TT. J explained that TT's daughters do not live with her. That wasn't enough. Our girl had to know why. J explained that TT can't take care of kids. J was honest and told her TT made some bad choices, did the bad kind of drugs, couldn't take care of her girls, and that she had been to jail. She seemed satisfied with the answers.

I've asked TT to talk to Mini Me directly and answer those questions personally this weekend. Gotta love open adoption!

How Do You Get Pregnant?

J and I were in the kitchen while J was prepping for dinner. J had just asked me to cut the veggies when Mini Me cut in to our conversation to ask: "How do you get pregnant?" Fortunately me for me, we have this little rule where the children must ask to interrupt J and I or adults talking. I ignored her and said I was going to go wash my hands in my bathroom. 

What the Hell???? Mini Me seems obsessed with sex these days. (Read my blogs over the last month or so). 

First she is telling me the definition of sex (when a mommy and daddy kiss laying down in their bedroom). Then she is telling me my drink (POM Wonderful) looks like "love potion." 

Next she tells us Motor Mouth Googled "sex." 

Last week Mini Me told me the definition of gay (when two girls get married. Like when your Barbies kiss. Or two boys get married). I did not tell you she said she would like to have two girls when she grows up - and she did not mean two daughters!  

The other day, Motor Mouth asked what "S&M" means (Rihanna's song was on the radio). J told him "snacks & meals" which Motor Mouth was happy to learn of. I froze. I had no answer. Of course, I was busy singing along that "whips and chains excite me" when he asked...

This week, Mini Me told me her and a boy in her class (a really cute one) decided they would get married but he broke his promise and decided to marry another boy so they could be gay (it's always the cute ones...) to which I told her even the best of us ladies have that happen to us. 

Also this week, Motor Mouth asked how the doctor can tell if it is a girl or boy when the baby is born. ("If it is a boy it has a penis. If it is a girl it has a vagina," I said. To which he said, "Oh yeah, that's right! I forgot. That's ALL I want to know, Mom.") 

This is punishment. I know it is. I am being punished for everything I put my parents through and then some. Granted, I wanted to be a stripper when I was six years old, but I have siblings who are seven or eight years older than me. Mini Me is leaps and bounds beyond her eight year old brother in questions she is asking. Why couldn't I have had two boys? Three even. I used to want three boys. Sigh.

So, I washed my hands. For as long as humanly possible. I stalled by Facebooking and tweeting. Finally, I went back into the kitchen. While chopping an onion, I looked at Mini Me and, in my most casual voice, said "You get pregnant when you have sex. Any other questions?" Mercifully, she went back to pretending to be able to read a book.

I was planning on giving the kids "The Talk" in June so that we could be the experts they receive their sex information from first. June so that they would not go to school and tell their unsuspecting and innocent friends (though I'm not so sure any of Mini Me's school friends are so innocent anymore). My list of discussion topics grows.

Ever Growing List of Topics for "The Talk"

- kissing

- marriage

- sex (intercourse)

- Internet porn (as in, don't Google, you might see more than you are ready for)

- homosexuality

- pregnancy

- child birth

- infertility (sometimes mommies or daddies are broken - lots of adoption q's these days)

- touching (bad touch has been discussed but will be reviewed)

- I think I can skip S&M for now but thanks, Rihanna!

- not telling other kids because their parents want to tell their kids when they are ready so keep this to yourselves!!

Clearly, this is a series of conversations that could take all summer. I'm seriously thinking about shipping the kids to grandma and grandpa after school ends so we can delay this...

If you have some good book out there, website, advice on how to do this, funny/crazy/horror/good stories on how you shared this info or received it, or just want to tell me this to shall end, please comment. Rather, HELP!!!

Gay Marriage

Mini Me told us a sad little story from her class. Mini Me is five years old.

Mini Me: "Boy A in my class said he and I are going to get married when we grow up. But then Boy A broke his promise and change his mind. Boy A and Boy B say they gonna get married. They want to be gay."

Me: "Sorry, Baby, that happens to the best of us sometimes."

Wordless Wednesday - Potheads

Self Portraits - April/May 2011

 For those who I know are just clamoring for new self-portraits of me, here you go!

You are most welcome. 

I know, I'm a mess.

Knowing Me Knowing You - May '11

knowing me, knowing you - may 2011

Okay so it's time once again for that monthly interview project... knowing me, knowing you, created by my friend over at "The Fairy Blogmother."

1. What was your wedding song?

We eloped so there was no music until J dubbed it in afterwards for the video. 

When I walked down the aisle he played "Ava Maria" because that's my middle name. 

And then he dubbed in "For The First Time" by Kenny Loggins. It is about 2 people that knew each other as friends and then fell in love and so it's like the first time they are seeing each other or something like that.

2. If you could guest star on any TV show which one would you pick?
Law and Order: SVU. I'd play some crazy person. Oh wait, that wouldn't be acting.

3. What is your favorite children's book?I loved Cinderella when I was a kid. Now, I love reading "Alice the Fairy" to my kids. I put on this crazy voice and it is something to behold.

4. Did you watch the Royal Wedding?
I watched Charles and Diana's royal wedding. Does that count?

5. What is your favorite thing to have off the barbecue?Pineapple. Fresh pineapple that has been grilled is the stuff orgasms are made of. 

Okay, so head over to Fairy Blogmother and see what she posted. I would link there but my linky thingy is not working and I need to take my contacts out and go to bed. 

S.E.X. For Kids

A little over a month ago, Mini Me and Motor Mouth told me they know what s.e.x. is. They were pretty aligned that it is when a mommy and daddy kiss laying down in their bedroom. 

About a month ago, Mini Me found this in the fridge and asked if it was "love potion."

Then about a week ago, Mini Me told us that Motor Mouth had Googled s.e.x. Unfortunately, J had taken the parental controls off their computer so they were free to view p.o.r.n. J locked down the computer uber tight once again. 

I googled s.e.x. If they did an image search, we are okay. It backs up the aforementioned definition. HOWEVER, if they clicked on either of the two video links on a regular search, we are in TROUBLE!

Yesterday, Motor Mouth asked me how the doctor can tell if the baby is a boy or girl when it comes out. I said, "If it's a boy, it has a penis. If it is a girl, it has a vagina." Motor Mouth said, "Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay, Mom, that's ALL I want to know."

Today, J did a detailed search of the browsing history on their computer. It seems auto correct can be a beautiful thing. They did a Bing search on s.e.x. and came back with "s.e.x. offenders" and "s.e.x. during pregnancy." Hahaha! Whew! We dodged a bullet on that one. 

Mother's Day 2011

 Photo: After visiting the Field Museum, Mini Me and Motor Mouth picking dandelions for my Mother's Day "bouquet" on Museum Campus 

This morning, I called my mother, in Canada, to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. It was the least I could do. Dang it! I forgot to ask my sister to write my name on the card she bought our mother. She's a much better daughter. 

Next, I texted my children's birth moms to wish them a Happy Mom's Day, tell them how much I dearly love them and I thanked them for being my heroes and making me a mom. Without KK and TT, there is no way I would be celebrating my eighth Mother's Day today. These brave, strong, selfless women chose the tougher path to live apart from their children and chose me to parent their children. I never forget that KK and TT were moms first so that I could be a mom. 

Both kids called their birth moms to wish them a Happy Mother's Day and to say "I love you." I only wish I had taken a pic of the smiles on my kids' faces!

Little Known Widney Woman Fact:

Mother's Day is extra special for me as Motor Mouth was dedicated at church on my very first Mother's Day in 2003. Three years later, in 2006, Mini Me was dedicated at church on Mother's Day (wearing a dedication gown J designed and had made out of my wedding gown!

Dreams Come True

I am extremely happy for my dear friend MAM. On Wednesday, her dream came true. My very first introduction to MAM was on an article/post she wrote for Chicago Moms Blog. In the post, she talked about her dream to buy a home in Oak Park and live there for the rest of her life. It took almost 2 years from the time they moved out of their Chicago condo and the house renovation was complete enough to move in, but they did it! Mission accomplished. My friend's dream has come true and I could not be happier for her!!! Take a peek here.

Gay Birds and Bees

Last night we went for a walk through the grounds of Buckingham Fountain. Lovely walk. On the way to the car, out-of-the-blue, Mini Me says, "I know what 'gay' means." To which I said, "Really? What does 'gay' mean?"

"Gay is when a girl marries a girl," said Mini Me.

Pretty spot on for a FIVE-year old!!!

Mini Me went on to say that "gay" is when your Barbie dolls kiss and when a boy marries a boy.

Motor Mouth seems to be a bit of a homophobe. He was appalled at the definition of "gay."

We explained to the children that some people are born gay and that it is normal. That we love and respect gay people. We shared the names of people we, as a family, love that are gay. It helped the children to see that it doesn't matter if someone is gay - we love them.

I was thinking we would have the heterosexual birds and bees conversation in June, after school lets out. Now, that conversation for our 5 and 8 year olds will be more encompassing and a bit more detailed than I had initially thought.

Bad Day

I had a really bad day today. Really bad. I was too upset about events, which have affected our family that we had no control over nor a hand in, that hit the fan today. Add to that my husband being out of town for 8/10 days, it being the anniversary of a car accident that put me in rehab for almost two years, a crazy "situation," and some pre-menstrual stuff going on.

At one point today, I realized I simply could not hold it together any longer and left my office. I wanted to drive out to the lakeshore and let the waters of Lake Michigan calm me. I wanted to drive down Michigan Avenue and let the tulips remind me of my childhood when my mom grew the most beautiful tulips in her garden. I wanted to drive to the top of a parking garage and take in the incredible skyline of my beloved city.

Instead, I went home, crawled into bed, and proceeded to cry. In the midst of my cry fest, I texted a few of my closest, most positive friends and asked them to "tell me it was all going to alright." They did. One friend called me and he made me laugh so hard, I almost wet myself. My boss texted me and gave me encouragement.

To pull myself out of the mire, I made a list of the positive things. Then I emailed it to myself and to J. I tidied my home and when I was 30 minutes cry free, I freshened up my makeup and went back to work.

Nothing has been resolved but I am doing my best to focus on the good.